Door

We just haven't had the opportunity. I can't seem to reach you across the void.

All I can do is explain myself, explain my life. Hoping you can understand me.

I can't reach you. I just can't. I don't know what more to say to you. Or do.

The door hasn't been opened. It's padlocked shut. You're so far, and the void is so great.

I know you love me. I know you do. You love me so much it's changed you in ways that are good. You've done everything possible you can. You've been great, really.

I don't blame you for anything.

Think I don't want this? Do you think I don't want to go jump in your arms and get everything I need? I don't know how to. I don't know how to reach across this big void.

I try to open the door for you. I tried. I don't know how you feel about my try. I do feel that I still haven't done what you expect and need me to. But I don't know what that is.

I've been saying for so many years, I don't know what that is. I repeat to you that I miss you, love you, want you, that I married you already, that I need/want you in my life, I've said everything thousands of times. I don't know what you are wanting!

I can't beg for sex. I can't open up that way. I can't constantly beg or ask or continuously tell you how bad I want it. Because I don't. That door for me just hasn't been opened.

I don't understand why you got me back to chat. I don't understand.

When it's all said and done all I end up believing is that God hasn't led you to my place yet. That's what I wait on. God.

I don't know if you did write some letters on here or not. I read some thar feels like they're directed at me or about me. I just don't know.

It's so much confusion for me. When I see it in my point of view though, it's all so simple.

I've never had an opportunity to speak with you face to face. I figure you just don't feel led to. I'm not opening up anymore in texts. It's so bad for me. The only way I can open up is in person. And if you don't feel led for that, then ok. Time keeps ticking, days keep passing, and life goes on.

Can I text all this in person? I have. I've said everything to possibly say.

Maybe my iq is too low. I'm just not smart. I'm not smart enough. Maybe I'm broken. I just can't hang like this anymore. I wish chat could end. You move on with your life, I move on with mine.

I don't want to be a screen anymore. I hate them all in every platform. My life and the things in my life, are before my face. I see them. Interact. Feel. Smell. You know. All the senses.

I hate this. Please let it go.