Staying Friends Makes No Sense Under A Lens

A common theme in my relationship was that me and my ex focused on the friendship aspect of the relationship. Avoiding "sterotypical" relationship expectations.

To me what it looked like was "Yeah we can call each other gf bf, but at the end of the day; I want to go on a journey with you. You're like my best friend. The relationship wording is just fun things we can participate in along the way". This makes sense to me. For example my parents, lifelong couple. They're fundamentally friends just on a baseline. That keeps them going.

To her? I'm not entirely sure what the perspective was anymore.

At the end of the relationship I was told a fantasy of one day being on a double date with someone she found and someone I found. That we could just be "friends". This sounds pretty mature right. The relationship just didn't work you know, "incompatibility".

Cleaning up my room today, I've found an old letter from her for valentines day.

Part of what was said "You have filled my heart, and I feel so grateful to have you". Then that brought me back to my perspective of when we started dating. We were friends that got along. We were friends that cared about each other. Our relationship naturally grew out of us vibing.

So looking at that request from my ex from a different perspective now. How can I honestly talk, be around, and be "just friends" without my head immediately falling in love with her again? Being friends doesn't make sense.

Careful not to touch hands. Careful not to look into their eyes too long now. Careful not to drift away in their presence.

It's clear to me now. The pattern.

The request makes no sense because it's following an attachment system narration that isn't really supposed to make sense.

So I'm not entirely sure when I could ever be friends with her even after me "feelings fade". Whatever that means. We went to relationship territory because we just did. It was natural. You can't erase that.

It's almost like their request is trying to erase us entirely. Avoid the relationship entirely.

AKA its to soothe them. Not really a reflection of reality or of what we had.

She needs therapy.