3 years hrt anniversary coming up how do i cope with never passing

im not even a manmoder, i try. I do makeup, voice train, etc. I still get called sir by strangers, and "they" by everyone in school before they ask me my pronouns. one cishon in one of my classes keeps going on about divine afxab soxicalization and how you cant really change your gender (lol). i hate living in this world surronded by literal demons whos only purpose in interacting with me is to make me suffer. and i cant even blame them, ill never look like a woman. ill never be treated like a woman. i will never be a woman.

im trying to find way after way after way to cope. fuck whoever told me i was pertty and would for sure pass by year 3. its never going to happen is it? fuck starting after puberty it was over from the start. fuck my christian family. fuck my hometown. fuck my life.