Dated for over a year and never saw her apartment

First experience with an avoidant. Just venting while the breakup is still fresh. I (31M) started a semi long distance (3 hour train) relationship with a (35F) FA and just ended it today because I hit my limit of emotional burnout. I compiled a list of red flags I should have taken more seriously:

- I worked fully remote and offered to do the lion’s share of the travel so we could spend time together but she never let me see her apartment or even know her address. This caused us to see eachother once a month max since her work schedule was busy. I now realize it was so she could control the situation.

- She had a long history of emotional trauma from family and her ex that got cold feet and never proposed. I understood this and was very patient and understanding and tried my best to create an environment where she doesn’t feel pressured to show much affection. Unfortunately this created an environment where I was constantly giving myself away emotionally and receiving a small fraction in return.

- From the very beginning she verbalized that she wants a serious relationship that leads to marriage which got me hooked because I initially felt very safe to finally find someone that wants the same thing I do.

- Whenever I would bring up my concerns she would dismiss or ignore my feelings and just say she can’t deal with these discussions because it causes her to “shut down”.

- I made the mistake of taking a new job in her city hoping the distance would remove the barriers. Hint: it didn’t. When I was apartment hunting she let me live out of a hotel for 2 weeks and even let me sleep on the floor of my apartment before I got furniture rather than let me see her apartment.

Unfortunately I was madly in love with her so I easily explained away all of these things in my mind until I found out that she was letting her ex stay at her place while he was in town on business trips.

There really isn’t a point to this post other than to vent. All my friends and family warned me about her behavior and I feel too embarrassed to admit they were right, eventually I will. Hopefully this can inspire some people that are in my shoes to take these red flags seriously.