HATE the individualism of it all

Like, I get it, people have needs. And/of wants, whatever. We need/want sex, love, affection, leisure...all good things and very valid to want/need them.

But the idea that we should prioritize our own wants no matter what. That's what I can't stand. The idea that, oh my wife has cancer so she's going to be out of commission for a while...better go spend more time with my other partners who are waaaay more fun! I have needs, after all.

Oh my wife with cancer has needs too? Oh well then let her communicate them to me and I will decide if I want to fulfill them or if she has to get that need met elsewhere. My only obligation to her is to uphold her autonomy. She can do whatever she wants. But I have other partners, I can't just stop spending time with them just because my wife has cancer! She needs a support network!

Tell me, what good is a partner like that?

I think a lot of poly folks have not had any real shit to down in their adult lives before, where they're suffering and not "fun" to hang out with. Friends are absolutely vital and special. And having a bunch of friends and poly "partners" is not the same as having someone who is your top priority (and you are theirs).

My husband pitched polyamory to me while my mother was in the hospital long term and I was helping her. Because he needed to get out more and do more fun things again. And I was not fun. We are in counseling and trying to decide if we're still compatible as a couple.

But I fucking resent poly philosophy for putting the idea in his head that his wants ought to come before the promises we made to each other