I can't get over the emptiness

You know the one, maybe. The gaping hole in your routine, the person you trusted the most. The one you came to for anything.

They leave and there's suddenly some massive void in your life. There is no routine anymore. You don't have a friend that trusted anymore-- at least, no one you clicked with as strongly as you did with them.

Funny thing is, I try to be conscious about not relying on one person for everything. I try so hard not to be in this exact situation! And I do have friends outside of her, but my social battery is in the dirt and nobody really wants to hear the sob story. I don't blame them.

But she molded herself into me, I guess. My interests, mannerisms, quirks and dreams became hers. It's my fault too for being a doormat; frequently she would snap and say shockingly cold things when she was usually so nice, and I withered into her every demand. All of my individual hobbies she wormed her way in to.

It's been a month since she suddenly dumped me and monkey branched to a brand new, richer "friend" and I'm still ruminating. The only thing I have to be proud of myself for is not checking her socials in weeks. Still though my hand is itching to search, itching for SOMETHING, everything is reminding me of her and I just feel so dry. I can hardly manage interest in my usual comforts.

And I know it's so early to be defeatist about it. I know I'll move on-- I'm trying to focus on myself, little by little, even if most days I just wanna zone out and bedrot.

Shit's just really fucking hard.