I feel trapped and I don't know what to do

Ever since I can remember my family, mainly my father, have laughed at me, "jokingly" of course, but it changed my entire life. I was already a shy kid but I grew up to have awful social anxiety but didn't even realize it was because of my childhood. When I was like 9 my teacher caught me in a lie about some stupid thing that has happened and when she asked why I didn't tell my parents I said "they're gonna laugh at me". I don't know how it took me so long to realize it was my family all along.

The thing is, when I finished high school I was very depressed (I'd gone through some sexual trauma and I was very isolated as a result of me trying to cope). I was so lost and I wanted to take a year off, which I thought I could do since my parents never put any pressure on our careers, mainly because they never taught us actual things or gave us direction. But then suddenly that time my dad told me I would go to college or get a job so I ended up in online college doing the same career as him, even though it hadn't even been on my radar before.

He's had control over my studies since. Online college has been hell for my social anxiety, obviously being so isolated has made everything worse, I've done some courses with people in the past years but I always end up alone back home. He will say I can do whatever I want and I shouldn't blame him but literally this year I wanted to transfer to in person college and he said it was a bad idea and I wouldn't make friends and I caved in so quickly so now I'm here alone another year.

He keeps saying he doesn't control me, but he will shame me if I want something he doesn't see fit, he acts like he doesn't have the same grip on my self esteem he did when I was a kid. Or he acts like I don't have other plans and talks about the plans he has for me like there's no other options, it's so casual it always leaves me a little shocked and I'm never quick enough to stop it.

I don't want to blame him, I don't know if he does it on purpose, but I feel so trapped. Even the rest of my family says I have to stop listening to him all the time or that we have a love hate relationship because we're best friends but I hate him.

I don't know what to call this or what to do about it. He's made me so afraid of people laughing at me and now he's all I have and I can't even tell him these things because I've said it so many times he's sick of it. I know I have to create some distance and be my own person but I have literally nothing else and I'm so afraid of losing the one thing I have. I'm so socially inept I can't even get a job.

I also used to be so understanding about it, but at some point I have to start questioning if his actions are ill intended.