Im actually scared that i might do it

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I attempted to overdose like a week ago but survived. After recovering a little i thought the idea would leave me but i actually fantasies about doing it agian most of the day. And my actions have become so impulsive that i dont even trust myself to not do it. Its a weird feeling idk how to explain it. Its like at some moments im not the one who's controlling my actions. Parents keep giving me shit and genuinely this is NOT a good time, im trying to survive my own self.