How do I support my workaholic boyfriend without enabling his bad habits?

hi

my bf and i are both in our early 20s and have been together for about three months. he’s really so awesome and amazing and everything a partner should be. but he’s also extremely driven with school, extracurriculars, side projects, commitments and he fills every hour of his day with something. he rarely rests, and when i gently suggest he might be overloading himself nothing really changes. we started dating during the summer, and almost finished our first month his uni active, so although he did had the same tendencies during the summer with overloading his schedule till he got himself sick or overbooking himself, it hasn’t been too much of a problem until now.

one of the issues is that his schedule leaves almost no space for connection throughout the week. i barely hear from him during the day (sometimes i’ll hear from him at 7 am and won’t hear from him again until like 9 or 10pm) because he’s so locked in, and when we finally talk or play games at night, i sometimes feel like it’s just another “task” he’s squeezing in rather than actual downtime. recently he told me about some pretty intense tactics he uses to force himself to work harder, and when i said they sounded unhealthy, he got frustrated with me. he got super upset and said that he doesn’t want me to criticize him, and he needs me to be there and support him until he graduates and can slow down. (this is his last year of college).

there was also an incident recently that sort of made me realize that this may be a worse problem than i thought it is. we’re mostly long distance, and i came down the other weekend to visit him. i took a bus down that ended up being a couple hours earlier than i originally planned to visit him. he was studying at the library; he doesn’t have any classes on fridays. but he couldn’t pill himself away from doing his work to come help me get my stuff set up at his place or even say hi. i ended up waiting alone with my luggage for about six hours. i understand needing to get work done, but it felt unusual that he couldn’t step away even briefly when i had already traveled to see him. i want him to get his work done and im happy that he prioritizes getting stuff done! but i feel like this was a strange thing for him to do to his gf.

there’s another layer that i’m trying to navigate carefully. he’s mentioned possibly having ADHD and is open to getting help for that through the form of medicine and maybe therapy, and i told him id fully support him through it. but there are also some long standing habits and rituals and other things he does that make me wonder if there might be more going on mental health wise. i really don’t want to self diagnose him but i think it’s some form of ocd that he doesn’t want to acknowledge. once again i’m not trying to diagnose him; and i haven’t pushed the topic because he gets uncomfortable. the one time i brought it up seriously and not in a joking manner he got mildly annoyed and said he doesn’t see the point in getting a diagnosis, and that it would just make things harder for him. i’m only mentioning this because these patterns seem connected to how he handles stress, work, and rest.

i care about him and i want to support his goals, but i’m worried he’s burning himself out and shutting me out in the process. i don’t want to nag him or try to control his schedule or what he wants to get out of life, but i also don’t want to feel like i’m dating someone who’s constantly on the edge of exhaustion.
for people who’ve been with partners like this how can i/do you balance supporting their ambition supporting their well being?

i don’t want to make him mad at me by keep pushing the notion that he needs help, but i don’t keep supporting him through what i think is unhealthy. he thinks is normal, but there’s so much he’s told me about his work style that is very unhealthy and worrying. i can’t just be a good gf and tell him everything is ok when i’m watching him hurt himself and finding every week so difficult .i don’t know what to do. i feel like if he even knew i was thinking this way he’d get so sad. all he wants is support but i don’t want him to keep acting this way.