I feel like I don’t have the capacity for my family

I’m just white knuckling through everything. I have a med appt in October, I know I need to do something different. Everyday I am scraped past the bottom of my limits. I have a small family that depends on me. I basically look at them work my family friends house life all as an obligation. No joy. There is no break to be had anywhere.

No concerns about harming myself or others I just don’t know what to do. I’m hiding upstairs after my kids screamed and played while I tried to make dinner with earplugs on. As soon as I could hand them off to coparent I did. I’m never going to feel “ready to come back down.” My face is permanently set in angry. I don’t know how to fix it.