I feel so worthless and lonely and no one even cares

I am 18F and I am autistic and have panic disorder and also go through depressive episodes. Last year I wanted to k**l myself and instead of my parents being supportive and offering help they constantly yelled at me and called me an attention seeking brat. I think my dad is an alcoholic too which just makes everything worse, he drinks every night and when he's drunk he can sometimes get mad or just say really inappropriate stuff. My parents don't really believe in mental health and i can and will never open up to them because my feelings just get dismissed. The other day my sister said that everyone hates me and no one wants me around, so I ran out the house and I got as far as the woods near my house then my mum found me and brought me back home. I also just hate myself, ive done nothing good with myself. I go to sixthform, and i work 5 evenings a week and my coworkers just dislike me and always make passive agressive comments and i feel like im really slow at my job and i try my best but always end up doing stuff wrong. Because im so strssed all the time my appetite has just gone and i feel sick from anxiety. I had a panic attack after my shift and i came home crying and my parents just yelled at me and said my coworkers are right for yelling at me. I feel like im not welcome in my own home.

My dad is kinda verbally abusive and yells over stupid stuff and always swears at me, and when i cry over it my mum enables his behaviour and constantly says i 'did something to make him mad'. One time he threw my stuff at me and always slams doors and its constantly walking on eggshells in my own home. Sometimes i dread going home from sixthform or work because im scared he'll be in a bad mood.

Sixthform is the only distraction and i actually enjoy going cause i get out of the house.

I just hate the way i look too, and i feel really fat, i have big thighs and my stomach isn't flat and all my friends who are so skinny constantly complain they're 'fat' and i js think if youre fat what am I? I am also struggling with binge eating at the moment and i feel so disgusting and food is one of my comforts at the minute but i feel so gross. I am either binging or starving myself and i cant get out of the cycle.

i just need someone to give me advice thanks x