It's been a year and 4 months to the day and I still can’t move past this. I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm at a loss regarding what to do anymore. It feels like I've tried the usual things that are commonly recommended like going to to the gym, therapy, hobbies, but nothing seems to fill the void I now have. I continue to cry everyday can't escape these memories of what we used to have. Only thing that helps distract me is burying myself my work but it's clearly become an unhealthy coping mechanism and it feels like it's causing more damage than helping since it's destroyed my sleep and eliminated any life I used to have.

I both miss her/hope she comes back but at the same time I wish I could forget her and all the memories associated with her. The relationship was not worth it in the long run. I was doing just fine before I met her. She said I wasn't good enough and used my insecurities against me. Now the thought of other relationships have become a turn off and I just feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. The thought of sex and intimacy has become traumatizing and makes sick to my stomach to the point of wanting to throw up.

I feel like I can't talk about this anymore with people. My friends can't seem to understand why I'm still suffering after all this time. They don't say anything hurtful but there is a clear undertone where they think this is ridiculous and think I should have moved on by now. So I've just become isolated and withdrawn from others. I hate to admit it but I have made some shitty attempts to end things if you know what I mean.

I don't know what to do anymore. This breakup has left me broken. I keep getting told that things will get better with time, but that just hasn't been the case. This time of year is going to be especially rough because this is almost when we first met. I don't wanna do this anymore. If only I could turn back time and avoid meeting her...