51 [M4F] #LagunaBeach - Looking for my girl: high libido, real connection, crazy chemistry

This is a sexually candid NSFW personals ad, and I know immediately that it won't be for most of you.  That's okay, I'm not looking for "maybe." I'm looking for "hell yes!"

And I’m a bit of a writer, so this is a long post — sorry in advance.

I'm looking for one woman with whom the combination of friendship, attraction, affection, communication, playfulness, and sexual compatibility feels almost absurdly good.

I spent many years in a dead bedroom, and later experienced the opposite: a relationship with a high-libido woman where desire, affection, friendship, and intimacy all lived together. It taught me something important: what I want actually exists.

So rather than make a polite, generic dating post and discover six weeks later that we're fundamentally incompatible, I'm going to be unusually open about what I'm looking for.  The detail in this ad isn’t a requirements document, though — it’s a nice-to-haves list, designed to paint a picture of what I’m looking for and what you could find in me.

I'm a considerate, affectionate, relationship-oriented man who also happens to have a very high libido. I want a woman who genuinely enjoys that part of herself too.

My heart is as horny as the rest of my body.  I'm looking for much more than sex.

I want the woman I can’t wait to text first thing in the morning, take somewhere beautiful for the weekend, talk with for three hours, kiss at the stop light, travel with, laugh with, take care of, flirt shamelessly with, and still have trouble keeping my hands off years later.

A few important things up front

• I'm single, divorced, live alone, and am genuinely available for a relationship.
• I've had a vasectomy.
• I'm STI tested and happy to exchange current results before becoming intimate.
• I'm looking for someone who is also genuinely available. Married, secretly attached, or still effectively living as a couple with an ex isn't the situation I'm looking for.
• Political compatibility matters to me, and I'm not compatible with someone who identifies with MAGA politics.
• Ultimately I'd love to find my life partner, although I'm open to letting the right connection develop naturally rather than forcing a label onto it immediately.

Let's talk libido

We’ve already established that I’m high-libido.  There’s a little more to it than that, but the high points are that I primarily bond through intimacy.  It’s how I feel loved, desired, valued and needed.  It drives the feeling of connection that I deeply seek, and makes me feel connected to the future as well.

For me, sex most days sounds wonderful. Sometimes even more than once! Sometimes slow and affectionate; sometimes spontaneous and playful; sometimes Tantra-like in its sensuality; sometimes rough and insatiable.

But high libido doesn't mean indiscriminate: I’m much more interested in having an extraordinary sexual connection with one woman than collecting experiences with many women.  Sex is comparatively easy to get, but I’m looking for more.

I'm naturally dominant in bed, but very pleasure-focused. “Pleasure dom” describes me pretty well: your arousal turns me on, and knowing what makes you melt is part of the fun for me.  In fact, one of my favorite things ever is openly exploring your needs, wants and desires together — learning, with you, what you didn’t even know you needed.  Growing with my partner in all the ways is extremely attractive.

I'm affectionate, attentive, communicative, and extremely interested in what feels good to you.

Things I enjoy include:

• Lots of kissing, touching, teasing, and anticipation.
• Giving massages that may or may not stay innocent.
• Spontaneous desire rather than only scheduled intimacy.
• Teasing and being teased, because you know how easily I’m triggered but you never quite know what I’ll do with it.
• Light restraints and playful power exchange.
• Toys and experimentation when we're both interested.
• Being dominant without humiliation or cruelty.
• Well-written sexting and talking openly about what we want.
• Quiet confidence that leaves you wet and your heart racing.
• Physical affection outside the bedroom, too.
• Enthusiastic consent, communication, and learning each other's bodies.
• I absolutely love the idea of making out with your pussy, and I like to take my time.

I'm not particularly interested in elaborate BDSM ceremony, degradation, or performing some caricature of a dominant man.  I'm much more interested in chemistry: the feeling that we're sitting beside each other somewhere perfectly respectable while both knowing exactly what each other is thinking (and sometimes, making it happen).

And yes: physical touch is unquestionably my love language.  By this, I don’t mean groping like a neanderthal: I mean physical touch inside and outside the bedroom that connects, communicates, shows care and warmth and compassion.  Holding hands.  My hand on your leg in the car.  Cuddling on the couch or in the movie theater.  Slow, deep hugs for no reason at all.  Sleeping together like we have to be touching.  Pulling you into my lap when you least expect it.  That kind of tenderness matters to me just as much as sex does.

About me

I'm 6'1", 195 and dropping, Caucasian with a darker complexion, brown hair/eyes, and a bit stronger than average.

I'm not twenty-five, and don't pretend to be: I have some wrinkles, thinning hair, and a body I'm continuing to improve—but I'm active, energetic, curious, and nowhere near ready for a quiet life.

I'm:

• Divorced and emotionally available.
• Thoughtful, confident, professional, and communicative.
• Financially stable after a successful career in tech.
• A believer in therapy because I think self-awareness and emotional growth are worthwhile.
• Non-religious.
• Interested in science, science fiction, engineering, and conversations that go somewhere.
• Great hobbies and some good friends.
• Happiest when I'm exploring or connecting.
• Open to re-locating for the right chemistry.
• I am very clean and have great hygiene.

I love hiking, biking, boating, photography, road trips, camping, national parks, unusual natural events, overseas travel, and spontaneous adventures.  I've traveled for eclipses and meteor showers and the perfect view. I would very much like someone beside me for the next round of adventures.  And for reasons I can't entirely explain, I am dying to take my girl on a great train trip.  Maybe that has to do with a Madonna song….

I'm confident and assertive, but I have zero interest in “alpha male” theater. I don't need to dominate life, win every argument, or make a woman smaller so I can feel bigger.

Connection, texting, and attraction

I use the words demisexual and sapiosexual because attraction alone isn't enough for me.  I can recognize that someone is beautiful immediately. But the kind of desire that makes me want her, specifically, grows through conversation, personality, humor, intelligence, emotional connection, and trust.  At the same time, I'm sexually open and comfortable talking about desire even relatively early on.  Those things aren't contradictory for me.

I love texting, but not just “how was your day?” logistics.  I want to learn how your brain works. I want jokes, curiosity, flirting, stories, opinions, questions, teasing, and eventually the kind of conversation where neither of us really wants to put the phone down.

Once we're comfortable, sexual conversation will probably become part of that. I enjoy sexting, fantasies, playful messages, and maintaining desire even when we're apart.  But connection comes first.

Typically I'd rather message enough to establish that we're actually interested and generally compatible, exchange recent face/full-body photos, have a phone or video conversation, and then meet somewhere easy and low-pressure.  I’m not interested in endless online correspondence.  The goal is to meet within a week or three at most.

I do need someone who communicates with roughly the same level of enthusiasm I do. You don't need to write essays like I have here, but if I'm consistently carrying the conversation or waiting days between replies, we're probably not going to click.  Engagement is attractive to me.

The woman I'm hoping to find

These are not all requirements -- just throwing it all out there:

You're somewhere in your 40s or early 50s, although chemistry matters considerably more to me than an exact number.

You're local to South Orange County—or genuinely close enough that seeing each other regularly is realistic.  Relocation in either direction is possible for the right chemistry.

You're active, looking for an active partner, and take reasonable care of yourself.  I’m not a fitness freak, but “If you mention hiking, I’ll ghost you” is on your profile, we’re not a match.

More importantly:

You're affectionate and playful.

You like kissing.

You like touching and being touched.

You have a strong libido and don't regard wanting sex frequently as embarrassing, excessive, or something that disappears automatically once a relationship becomes comfortable.

You enjoy being desired, and you enjoy desiring your partner back.

You're emotionally grounded, intelligent, curious, playful, and capable of communicating directly.

You have your own life and can take care of yourself, but you're actually interested in building an us too.  That means having time for a boyfriend rather than an occasional hookup.

You'd enjoy some combination of travel, road trips, weekends away, outdoor adventures, great conversations, lazy mornings, naked hot tubs, terrible jokes, affectionate texts during the workday, and an active romantic life.

Ideally you're:

• Single, divorced, separated with the relationship genuinely over, or widowed.
• Non-smoking.
• Financially responsible enough that travel and experiences are realistic.
• Non-religious, spiritual, or lightly religious without needing me to share your beliefs.
• Child-free, have older children, or have enough freedom that building a relationship and traveling regularly is realistic.
• Comfortable exchanging STI results before sex, and OK with condoms until trust is established.
• Politically compatible with me.
• Looking for something emotionally meaningful rather than casual — I get plenty of those offers on the dating apps.

Those are not all requirements, just nice-to-haves.  You don’t need to check every box, as I’m sure I don’t for you.

What I hope this could become

Ideally, a real relationship: best friends who become lovers. Two independent adults who actively choose and support each other, consistently. Lots of affection. Lots of conversation. Lots of laughing. Lots of exploring.  And a sexual connection that doesn't become an afterthought once the honeymoon period ends (not that I really experience one).

I want the kind of relationship where we're still flirting years later.

Where you know you're desired.  Where I know I am too.

Where taking care of each other feels good rather than obligatory.

Where sex is a very enthusiastic expression of a much bigger intimacy.

If we meet and discover something wonderful that develops differently than either of us expected, I'm capable of letting life surprise me.  We’ll never know if we don’t try.

If this sounds unusually familiar...

Message me.  You don't need to write your autobiography.

Tell me any two or three of these:

• What part of this ad made you think, “Yes, THAT is what I want.”
• What kind of relationship are you hoping to find?
• What's something you're ridiculously passionate about?
• What's your idea of a great spontaneous weekend?
• And, if you're comfortable saying it, what does a genuinely satisfying sexual relationship look like to you?

We can talk for a bit, exchange recent photos, verify that we're both real, and see whether there's enough mutual attraction and curiosity to meet.  First dates are low pressure.

Whatever you've just read above, I'm still a gentleman. Consent matters enormously to me. Chemistry can't be negotiated, and nobody owes anybody anything because they exchanged sexy messages beforehand.

Maybe we'll have coffee and discover we're not each other's person.  Maybe we'll accidentally talk for four hours until they need to kick us out of the coffee shop.  Maybe one of us will leave thinking:  Wow.

I’ve probably lost most people long ago, but if you read all of this and found yourself smiling rather than backing away slowly... I'd really like to hear from you.