My experience with bordeline colleague at work.

I want to share my experience with a colleague at work which has  Borderline Personality  Disorder which sadly ended yesterday. Originally I come from Moldova a country which is situated between Romania and Ukraine close to Russia.  The languiage which we speak in Moldova is a dialect of the Romanian language. Therefore I understand romanian as well. Since I was 12, I have been living in Denmark. I am 41 years now. I am happily married and I have a daughter who is 7 years old. As a person I am very open minded. I do not judge people without knowing them and in general I like to help. I work daily in a medical company at the warehouse were I pick various kind of medicine for various pharmacies and hospitals in Denmark. At work have two colleagues from Romania a brother and a sister. The sister has this disorder because she has sadly experienced neglect in her life and a big part of her life before coming to Denmark she grew up in a orphanage which is not the best place for a child to grow up especially in Romania. She was also beaten during her childhood. She has a mother who became pregnant at 18 years old and did want to do anything with her children. Therefore the limited love which this girl received was from her grandparents. She is 20 years old. Because we speak the same language it was natural  for me to speak more with her at work and because I do not judge people she opened up to me very quickly and told what she has been through in her life. And because I have a daughter and I can imagine how it is to grow grow up without the affection, help, understanding and support from the parents, I in my heart wanted to help her so she had someone to talk to who would listen to anything she wanted to talk about to try to understand her better.

Her opening up to me, telling me what she has been through was my motivation to help**.** From the beginning I was very open when it comes to my family so she knew that I did not have other intentions than help and being a very good friend for her because at work and in private she does not have any friends  and even though she is now in Denmark were her mother is their relashionship sadly is not good because her mother blames her for everything and her mother cares more about her brother. At work she speaks with people but some people also think that she is weird and they do not try to understand her how I did. Because I have a good heart, I  tried to help and understand her, the best I could and I also read information about this disorder to try to understand her better. I drove her home after work because the town in which she lives in is on the way to the town in which I live in. I gave her advice about health, work, invited her to break at work so we could take the break together. She was always able to call me at work if she needed some advice or just to talk and I would listen and also in private. However in private I told her that when I am home my family comes first. Therefore if she would write I would answer when I had time which I also said to her. I also once drove her to the emergency room because se complained at work about pain so intence that she was not able to sit down. The first day I got to know her and she told me that she had been eating anything that day, I drove her to Mc Donalds so she could by something to eat. I also sent her pictures of my family again to tell her that I do not have other intentions. To me she was like my daughter. And in many cases she would ask herself if I can drive her home after work. With my help and her opening more and more up to me we came closer to each other and this is were the problems began. At this point I was still telling her that I do not have other intentions. But I think she saw me more as a friend and wanted more and more time with me. This was of course not possible because I have a family which is important to me. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old which effected me and I promised to myself that when I grow up I will not repeat the same mistake. But because she could not get more time with me she became aggressive and began of accusing me of things which were not right. She wrote to me in private various threats,  that I am a pedophile, that I like to fuck small girls, writting bad things about my family even though I sent her pictures of my family. Even if she wrote these things I was still trying to calm her down to tell her that I do want to speak with her I want to continue our friendship. 

My wife saw that something was wrong and asked me. So I had to tell her everything because at that point I was very affected by all this. I wrote to Bianca, her name that I do not tolerate things like this. My family is important to me and I need to protect me and my family and I bloked her both on messenger and phone. The day after I went to work I whent to the boss of the company and told him everything. He believed me and he put me in another area in the warehouse som I am protected from Bianca. Even if happened what happened in my heart I foregave her because I knew that during that moment it was her disorder who was speaking and the person behind the disorder which I know. Therefore I still wanted to be able to talk with her to give her protection and security from a distance as a colleague and not anymore as a friend. Therefore to protect her after I have calmed down and was thinking more clearly I went again to the boss and told him that the measures which I took was to protect myself, my family my job and also her because I know that she was afraid to loose the job. The boss was very surprised. After a few days she began talking to me again and it looked like everything was okay this time. Of course she was and is still blocked on messenger, phone and no more driving her home after work. Therefore we spoke only at work and only as colleagues. I thought she learned from her mistakes but it looks like I was wrong. Tomorrow we have a party at work in the evening.  The only thing is that tommorrow is long saturday which means that some people including me go to work in the morning and are finished with work in the afternoon while others are finished in the evening. A colleague at work told me a few days ago that Bianca wrote to her on messenger and asked details about the party. Therefore Viktoria, this colleague told that maybe it would be a good Idea to go to the party together, me, Viktoria, her mother and Bianca and her brother so we can share the cost of parking. I thought it was a good idea so I told Viktoria to invite Bianca with us on the behalf of her and me. Bianca did not replay no but said that she will think about it which is positive.

She also asked our teamleader if she and her brother can go and both received in the end the answer YES. The day Viktoria invited her with us to the party she came by me with a big smile, said hi and gave me a handshake. However during the same day closer to the end of the shift she changed 180 degrees and told. Why did you say to Viktoria that I did not want to go to the party. I knew that this was also a posibility but I was prepared if the answer was no to say to her that it is okay and the important thing is that you tried which I also said to her. And I said also to her. Bianca I did not say that to Viktoria. Of course I want you to come with us. But she continued in her rage saying that she did not believe me and so on. So I said believe what you want and do what you want.  I am usually very calm and if I get upset or irritated it does not last long. So on wednesday while she had her day off I was thinking and I said to me that I foregive again and I give her one more chance. But I also wanted to say to her. That nobody is perfect but I still choose to see the good in you. Therefore, please cherish this if you want everything to be good between us. Therefore when I came at work yesterday I said to her hi and I said that everything is okay and I want still to talk with her. She was still mad and said to me that she does not want to talk to leave her alone or she will complain to the teamleader. In the end she saidly complained to the teamleader which she thought would help her but by involving the team leader she made a big mistake because I told everything and the team leader believed me and the case was closed and I was moved to another area in the warehouse for my own protection. As for Bianca she did not only sadly by doing this destroyed the last contact which she still had with me but also her reputation in the warehouse and her future promotions about her job. Because she is now part time but she was told that she would be hired full time in the future. After this I do not think it will happen. Of couse I feel still sad because in my heart I know that she will be back to me and I know that I still want to talk with her because I still see the good in her. However it will no longer be possible . I did not think that she would do this. I thought she wanted to protect the little contact we had left. And because of this not only she lost me , the only person in her life which only wanted to help and to understand her without judgement and without wanting to receive anything in return but I can no longer protect her. She is now on her own because the reason why she is still working there was because of me.  And it is hard to forget or to erase from my heart what we had because of the language connection. In my heart I still want to talk to her, I still want to help and wish her the best in life because it is not her fault that things are like this.

In my heart I still foregive her even after all this. Therefore I wrote a letter which I have ready in  my glove  compartment in my car to give her on that day when I will no longer work in this company. This letter will be like a compass for her to guide her in life on the right path and to protect her from all the bad things in this life. Deep inside I know that she is not a bad person. I did not wanted to end this way but it was sadly her who made that choice which she will regret for the rest of her life. I know she will come back to me at some point wanting to talk again but this time there is sadly nothing what I can do. I can not turn time back even if I wanted to. This is the letter in english: Dear Bianca,

I wrote this letter some time ago so I would be prepared for moments like this, because you have been—and will remain—an important and special person in my life, and you deserved these words. Although, unfortunately, we will no longer be able to talk at work since we don't work together anymore, I want you to know that I have no regrets about meeting you or having the chance to help you, to give you my time, to listen to you, and to try to understand you—being a source of support for you.

Even though things turned out the way they did—and we could no longer be close friends, but merely colleagues—I always wanted to keep talking to you and never abandoned you. I know that, at times, I was perhaps the only person at work who understood you and whom you trusted. That is why I wanted to continue offering you my help, understanding, and protection from afar. Bianca, I have children of my own, and I realize how hard it is to grow up without the warmth, help, and full support of one's parents. Perhaps that was the inner motivation behind my desire to help you so much, even during moments of minor tension. In any case, I always understood that during those difficult times, it wasn't the real Bianca—the one I know—who was speaking, but rather your diagnosis.

I know no one is perfect, but I still chose to see the good in you.

Of course, I am sorry that things are difficult for you, and I realize how hard it is; however, I wish with all my heart for you to be happy, to go far in life, and to see all your plans and wishes come true, because you deserve it. You are not a bad person, and you are not to blame for your suffering. Please take good care of yourself and never let yourself be manipulated by people with ill intentions. I hope my kindness and advice prove useful to you and guide you along the right path in life. I pray that God protects you from all the evil in this world. I hope my help has shown you that there are good people in this world, and I hope you meet others with pure hearts who will cherish you—for a good person with a kind soul like yours deserves to be surrounded by respect. In my heart, I have completely forgiven you and have never held any ill will. As a colleague, I was always glad that we shared the same language and that I could offer you support when life became unpredictable. I hope to see you happy and fulfilled in the future. I wish you success, health, and great happiness. Take good care of yourself and keep this letter as a fond memory of our mutual respect and professional support. With deep respect and regard, Eugen.