Married Father of 2 here!

Married father who loves his family and kids… in my childhood I was forced to experiment with a family member of mine and ever since I just feel like I’ve had a problem? Sucked of few cocks coming up and into my adult life, I’ve tried topping once and it just didn’t feel right to me… maybe because I’m cheating on my wife to seek out these desires and explore. Am I being selfish? Does this make me gay/bi? Any and all advice would be appreciated!