Im in love with my best friend and I think he loves me too?

Okay, so I’ve had this huge crush on my best and closest friend since like 5th grade. He doesn’t really know because I haven’t said anything—I’m too scared to. Throughout the years, he’s had a few girlfriends, and I had one short-lived relationship that ended because of a late-discovered age gap. I was okay with that. I told myself that as long as he’s happy, I couldn’t care less, because I’m happy if he is. This isn’t just with him—I love all my friends, especially my close friends, and I’d sacrifice a lot for those few. There was even a time in my life where I felt heavily suicidal, and they helped me through it. Especially him. That’s what I love most about him: he’s funny, well built, a bit of a dork but not really. One thing that’s common between me and my closest friends is that we find a lot of things funny and don’t take much seriously unless we have to. This also includes a lot of sexual jokes.

Recently—and by that I mean just 2 days ago—I asked him what he was doing, a simple question I ask him every day, nearly every hour. (I used to ask if it was annoying having me check in so often, but he said he didn’t mind at all.) Usually it’s “playing the game,” “laying down,” “cleaning,” or whatever, and he’d ask the same. But he said he was gooning. I thought it was another joke, so playing into that idea, I said, “You gonna send me a clip?” or something along those lines. As I expected, he just kind of played along and said maybe as a late birthday gift.

I kid you not, 2 minutes later, he sends me a short video of him stroking his dick. I was at a loss for words. Not only did I find it extremely hot and attractive, but it was one of the last things I’d ever think he’d do. Honestly, I never thought he would. I got so hard just thinking of it, but the video was sent as view-once only. That clip sent me completely into overdrive. I couldn’t say anything besides “That’s hot.” And for the rest of the night, I was laying in the dark with that clip on repeat in my head, completely horny and hard as a rock. It was so bad I legit dreamed about it, and the following morning I had woke up to morning wood and my thoughts went straight back to that for the next two hours.

I played it cool, and conversations both directly after and the day after went on as normal. But one thing after was that the clip gave me a huge confidence boost, or something. I started asking for another clip or picture—not in a rude way or anything, but maybe a bit more often than not. I’d stop if he said anything about it, of course, but he’d just say maybe, and we’d move back to normal conversation.

As I just said, that clip gave me a huge confidence boost, so later in the day, we were playing around, and I told him I was in the middle of jerking off before we got this far into the conversation, which was about 30 minutes or so. We were having a playful argument about where to get something to eat, and I said, “I’m gonna flash you, shut it.” and he challenged that—“You won’t, no balls,” stuff like that. I sent him a clip of my slowly stroking my dick with no hesitation or thought behind it. The night went on, and I’ve sent him a few videos from that one session already, and he’s complimenting me, which really got me riled up. I mentioned that I just had a folder of images and videos of me jerking off or just pictures of my dick that I haven’t used in a while—a few months—and that I’d add the videos I sent him to it. He asked for the folder, I gave it to him, and now we’re sending each other pictures and videos back and forth—jerking off, prints, just hard, whatever.

The whole interaction has me completely out of it for him, and I’ve made it a bit obvious that I love him. I even said it after he made a joke saying I hated him in which he later said it too. I’m not sure if he feels exactly the same and I’m probably just over thinking it because it feels too unreal, but this is progress toward something I’ve wanted for so long, and I don’t want to ruin it. Hopefully I find the courage and strength to finally ask him for myself.