I just turned 30 and I am completely alone.

Everyone I know is doing better than me. They make more money than me, they're getting engaged, getting married, they're buying their first homes, they have interesting hobbies and vibrant social lives. 

Four years ago I had to leave my dream city to move back in with my parents in my hometown. The entire back half of my 20s spent eight hours away from all my friends and from any real career opportunities. 

I finally clawed my way back to the city a month ago, just in time for my 30th birthday, which came and went without ceremony. Everyone had something better to do. I am completely invisible. My entire social circle has moved on with their lives, while I feel like my four years away completely stunted me in a way that I'll never recover from. Running into anyone I know in public and having to "catch up" is always a nightmare. I feel like a foil whose only reason for existing is to highlight how great their lives are in comparison. 

I am never anyone's first choice. Everyone has romantic partners, closer friends. Even my parents can't get off the phone fast enough when I call. I've been in therapy for my depression for years and tried all sorts of meds and yet nothing ever changes. I thought that entering my 30s and finally getting to leave my dead end hometown would be a new beginning, a fresh start. I'm instead realizing just how truly alone I am and that it's never going to get better.