i left DV 3 months ago while already diagnosed with PTSD. some things have gotten better and some things are still hard. i finally got a full time job after 11 months of unemployment which is great, im nervous though because its my first time working corporate but i will give it my best go! it will be a big relief to have money. after i left my ex i was so broke i had to sell some of my gold jewellery to pay rent. couldn’t even go out for a coffee or buy a chocolate bar. so im looking forward to my first paycheque, i start this week so still very broke until my first paycheque. i’m excited to be able to go out clubbing or for dinner with my girl friends because i wasn’t really able to do that often when i was unemployed. 

if anyone has any advice on how to handle your first full time job please let me know 😊

emotionally things have gotten easier since i am not around him but i am very depressed. it’s a lot of things: PTSD, leaving DV, being unemployed. this is the hardest period of my whole life (so far) and i’ve been through childhood abuse and SA so that says a lot. it also makes me really sad i can’t go to the police about the DV (no evidence) but i’m trying to accept it. at least with my SA i was able to make a formal police statement even though it didn’t make it to court. i am still depressed/anxious even though i got the job but i think things will change once im busy during the day and earning money. 

it’s been really hard as well because i had to put my law degree on hold with only 1 sem left because of the abuse and all the people i started uni with just posted their admission to the bar :’) but it’s okay i wasn’t intending on going into legal practice right away anyways, would rather work in policy or research first. or just do something different and have a break. i have time im only 23. i still want to finish my law degree in the next 3 years. when im better, i think my experiences could really help people. i know what it’s like to experience DV, poverty, mental illness, grief etc. a lot of people in legal practice come from very privileged backgrounds, they don’t understand people who are at their rock bottom. i do. when i volunteered in legal aid i loved it, the first time i felt true purpose in my life. 

there may be an opportunity for subsidised therapy (don’t know if i can afford it) but i’m honestly not keen on going. i went for 2 years and it helped but it also didn’t. i’m very stubborn and nothing anyone says will change my mind. im not in a place where i. can actually respond to therapy. i’m also an intellectualiser so i refuse to be kind to myself or give myself any breaks or forgiveness. maybe one day that will change but tbf i don’t think it will, it’s only gotten worse. i’m on antidepressants at the highest dose with a low dose antipsychotic for intrusive thoughts etc. but still suffering. tbh i think i also have ADHD and this has been making it a LOT worse!! because even when my mood is not low i cant do the things im supposed to (clean, cook, exercise etc.) so i’m trying to get diagnosed in the next 6 months but that will be pricey but worth it !! 

i’ve had a very hard 5 years. lost 3 family members including my brother. abuse and assault. developed PTSD. unemployment and failure. but today i can say im taking one step forward towards making myself a life i truly feel is worth living, because i haven’t had that in so long. 

pad kra pao !! 🇹🇭 shout out to the thai girlies im sorry my dish isn’t authentic but it’s done with 110% love 🩷

after leaving DV + 11 months unemployment… i got a job !