The paradox of spoiling your partner

I'm 36F, married to 45M, but this doesn't really have anything to do with us. This is about a sentiment I've seen several versions of across Reddit: When Partner 1 (usually female) expects or outright demands that Partner 2 (usually male) spoil/pamper them, Partner 2 wants to do it less. But when Partner 1 doesn't expect or even actively resists being spoiled/pampered, Partner 2 wants to do it more. This has caused some arguments among a few Reddit couples in which Partner 1 is stubbornly independent/low-maintenance and Partner 2 thinks they should relax and receive.

Now I don't need anyone to explain why entitlement is off-putting. It's that last part that really confuses me. Perhaps Partner 2 thinks Partner 1's lack of entitlement makes them more "deserving" of whatever material reward is on offer. But does the word "deserve" really apply in a situation where "want" does not? If Partner 1 is being consistently honest about their distaste and not just falsely modest, why wouldn't Partner 2 drop all thought of spoilage?

tl;dr: What makes you want to spoil/pamper a partner who doesn't want that treatment from you?