I thought I was healing. I ended up in another abusive relationship. How do I break this cycle?

How do you actually break this pattern?
I've already been through so much abuse and sexual trauma and had so much fear around trusting people. I thought I was healing. I thought I knew the warning signs.
I swore I would never end up in another unsafe relationship.

Then I met someone I felt an intense connection with. He pursued me hard, wanted the relationship, told me he loved me and made me feel safe enough to tell him about my trauma and abandonment issues. He has BPD, which I tried really hard to understand and be compassionate about.

But slowly I started walking on eggshells. He could get angry or offended incredibly easily, sometimes over something as innocent as me laughing. I started monitoring everything I said because I never knew what would set him off.

There was controlling and coercive behaviour around sex too. He knew about my sexual trauma but used some of the same degrading sexual language I'd told him my abuser had used on me. Then there was another woman messaging him things like “hey baby, I miss you,” which added another layer of confusion and insecurity.

Towards the end he suddenly became cold and distant. I actually went to see him and directly asked if he was ghosting me, wanted to break up or needed space. He said no to all three and reassured me we were still together. He even promised to call me and did, but when he called he was cold and hostile towards me.

That was finally when something in me snapped. I thought, why am I chasing someone for basic communication who acts like he can barely stand talking to me?

I told him I needed to step back because the lack of communication, broken promises and hostility were hurting me. He asked what I meant, I explained, and instead of actually talking through any of it he told me he wouldn't contact me and then blocked me.
That part has really messed with my abandonment issues. I finally stood up for myself and said that the way I was being treated wasn't okay, and I was immediately cut off. It feels like my brain has taken that as confirmation that speaking up for myself means being abandoned.

I know logically that I recognised an unsafe situation and got out much sooner this time. But emotionally I feel used, humiliated, numb and even less trusting than before.

I don't even trust myself anymore. When I feel strongly drawn to someone, I wonder if that's actually a warning sign because the people I've felt the strongest connections with have ended up hurting me the most.

How do you break this pattern? How do you ever learn to trust someone again when you don't even trust your own feelings anymore?