I (19F) want to reconcile with a guy (27M) who blocked me after our first major disagreement. Is there anything I can do to fix things, or is it a lost cause?

I'm 19F, and the guy I'm talking about is 27M. I'll call him Fisher for privacy. I'm posting here because I genuinely want advice about whether there's any possibility of repairing our connection. I still have very strong feelings for him, and although I understand that many people might tell me to move on, that isn't what I currently want. I want him, and I'd like to know whether there's anything I can reasonably do without disrespecting his boundaries.

We met online in July 2025, approximately two months before my 18th birthday. At the time, Fisher was serving in the US Air Force and was stationed in Japan. He's originally from Las Vegas. We live in different countries and have never met in person. Most of our communication happened through Snapchat.

Initially, our relationship was completely platonic, at least from my perspective. I genuinely saw him as an older brother. Whenever I needed advice about something happening in my life, I'd consult him, and he'd listen and offer his perspective and advice me. We became friends, discovered that we had similar humour and started talking about all sorts of things, including astrophysics. I found him intelligent, funny and genuinely enjoyable to talk to.

I was also dealing with considerable family problems, so having someone I could turn to meant a lot. He'd listen when I was struggling, give me advice and comfort me when I cried and sometimes check whether I'd arrived home safely if I'd been out late. He'd also give me advice about drinking responsibly, staying hydrated and looking after myself. Those gestures made me feel that he genuinely cared about my wellbeing.

For context, Fisher has told me that he suffers from PTSD and experienced a lot of childhood trauma. He's also been dealing with serious personal and family difficulties, some of which I know about but don't feel comfortable sharing publicly. He's told me that he's in therapy. He also told me that he hadn't completely moved on from his former fiancée, who left him and now appears to have a happy life, judging by her social media.

Our friendship became romantic in October 2025, approximately one month after I turned 18. We used to maintain Snapchat streaks together, and I'd regularly send him pictures of myself as part of those streaks.

One day, Fisher got extremely drunk and sent me several voice notes. He started telling me how beautiful and pretty he thought I was. He said that whenever I sent him pictures of myself, he always wanted to ask for more because he found me so attractive, but he'd held back because he didn't want to ruin our friendship.

I have sister locs, and he also told me how much he wanted to run his hands through my hair. He described it as an affectionate gesture and a sign of love. He continued complimenting me and expressing how attracted he was to me.

I was surprised because I'd previously seen him as an older brother. However, after hearing those voice notes, I started seeing him differently, and our conversations gradually became romantic. I developed feelings for him, and he continued being affectionate towards me.

I want to emphasise that my feelings weren't simply about receiving compliments or romantic attention. I already valued our friendship and enjoyed his company. I loved our conversations, his humour and the fact that I could talk to him about almost anything. The romantic feelings developed from a friendship that was already important to me.

However, there was a recurring problem throughout our connection: Fisher was extremely inconsistent with communication.

I was almost always the person initiating conversations. I can remember only a handful of occasions when he contacted me first. We'd have wonderful conversations, and he'd be affectionate and attentive. Then, without warning, he'd disappear for weeks.

There was even a period when we barely communicated for approximately eight weeks. I could sometimes see him active on Snapchat while my messages remained unanswered. I'd often have to send several messages before getting a response.

When he eventually returned, I'd sometimes ask where he'd been or why he'd disappeared for so long. He'd give me different explanations. Sometimes he said he was busy with work. Other times, he explained that he was spending time with his friends with benefits, who didn't like him having Snapchat, so he'd delete the app whenever he went to see her.

On one occasion, when I confronted him about ignoring me, he responded, "Oops, I kind of forgot about Snapchat."

That particular response hurt me a lot. It made me feel incredibly insignificant to him.

He'd also explained that he rarely used Snapchat and sometimes forgot about the app entirely. However, because Snapchat was our primary means of communication, I found it difficult to understand how he could forget about it for weeks while knowing that was where we spoke.

He'd often return and resume talking to me as though nothing had happened. Meanwhile, I'd spent days or weeks wondering whether I'd done something wrong, whether he was deliberately ignoring me or whether he'd lost interest.

His behaviour confused me because he could be incredibly affectionate when we were talking, but then seemingly disappear without warning.

In January 2026, I became tired of constantly being the person initiating conversations. I decided to stop texting him first because I wanted to see whether he'd make an effort to contact me if I didn't reach out.

He didn't.

We stopped talking, and I waited to see whether he'd initiate a conversation. Eventually, I missed him so much that I decided to message him again in April. We started talking again after that.

I eventually explained that his disappearances were hurting me. He apologised and promised that it wouldn't happen again.

I told him I didn't expect constant communication and understood that he had personal difficulties and sometimes needed time alone. I specifically said that if he needed space, he could simply tell me, and I'd leave him alone until he felt ready to talk again.

Despite that conversation, the disappearances continued. I repeatedly forgave him because I genuinely cared about him and understood that he was struggling. Whenever he returned, I was usually so happy to speak to him again that I didn't want to spend our conversations arguing about his absence.

He also told me that he liked me and felt a genuine connection with me. He said that I made him happy and gave him something to look forward to when he was stationed in Japan, far away from everything he'd ever known.

Those words meant a lot to me, but his actions made it difficult for me to believe them. I couldn't understand how someone could say they had feelings for me while repeatedly ignoring my messages for weeks,

Eventually, in June 2026, we had our first major disagreement.

I'm Black, and Fisher is white. He'd previously told me that he was attracted to Black women, particularly dark-skinned Black women.

One day, I noticed that he followed certain social-media accounts whose content I considered racist or offensive towards Black people. Some of the content included posts portraying Michelle Obama as a man and other racially offensive material.

I found the posts about Michelle Obama particularly degrading. To me, portraying a woman as a man to mock her appearance is an attempt to undermine her femininity. I would find that offensive regardless of the woman's race, but the racial context made it particularly concerning to me.

I also noticed content associated with Charlie Kirk. I explained to Fisher that I hadn't watched his full videos and was mainly familiar with clips I'd encountered online. Those clips had given me a negative impression of his views about Black people.

Because of the accounts Fisher followed, I wanted to understand whether he actually agreed with the content they posted. My concern was that if he held negative views about Black people, that could have implications for a relationship with a Black woman.

I wasn't trying to dictate which accounts he could follow. I wanted to understand whether their content reflected his personal beliefs.

During the conversation, I also raised the subject of interracial relationships and children. I told him that if he agreed with the ideologies promoted by those accounts, I didn't think he should marry a Black woman or have Black children.

He responded by telling me that he had Black friends and that he was actually the only white guy in his friendship group. He used that as a reason why he couldn't be racist.

I responded by explaining that having Black friends doesn't automatically mean someone cannot hold racist beliefs.

I explicitly clarified that I wasn't calling Fisher racist. However, he interpreted the conversation as me accusing him of racism.

Looking back, I recognise that some of my wording, particularly my comments about marriage and children, may have sounded accusatory or as though I was making assumptions about his character. I've subsequently apologised for those comments.

I understand why someone might feel hurt if they believed a person they cared about was questioning their character or intentions. At the same time, I genuinely wasn't trying to call him racist. I wanted to understand why he followed those accounts and whether their content reflected his beliefs.

This was our first major disagreement. Although our communication had been inconsistent, we'd previously enjoyed each other's company whenever we were talking. I expected that we might disagree, take some time to cool down and eventually discuss what happened.

Instead, I woke up to discover that Fisher had blocked me on Snapchat.

I was completely blindsided. Around the time of the disagreement, we'd also explicitly acknowledged our romantic feelings for each other, which made the situation even more confusing.

I didn't understand whether he'd blocked me because of the argument, because of my feelings for him, because of his personal circumstances or because of some combination of those things.

What hurt me particularly was that I'd repeatedly forgiven his unexplained disappearances and tried to accommodate his need for space. I wasn't expecting him to forgive me automatically, but I'd hoped we'd at least have a conversation about our first serious disagreement.

He blocked me on Snapchat but didn't block me on Instagram. Before the Snapchat block, I'd already unfollowed him on Instagram and removed him from my followers. Our accounts are private, but I can still send him messages there.

I want to be transparent about my behaviour after he blocked me. I was extremely upset and struggled to accept what had happened. I contacted him through Instagram, trying to understand why he'd blocked me and whether we could resolve the disagreement.

I sent him numerous messages especially when I was drunk, made repeated calls. I'm not proud of how I handled that situation.

I recognise that repeatedly contacting someone who wants space can be overwhelming and that my emotional reactions weren't always helpful. However, I was genuinely distressed and confused by the abrupt ending. I wanted an explanation because I didn't understand how our connection had gone from being affectionate and enjoyable to complete silence after one disagreement.

Eventually, Fisher did communicate with me. He explained that the disagreement had hurt him. He also told me that he wasn't doing well mentally, that he had serious personal difficulties and that he wanted to be alone.

He told me that I was beautiful, funny and hot, and that he believed I would eventually find someone who deserved me.

I know some of the personal and family difficulties he's dealing with, and they're considerably more serious than our disagreement. Because of that, I've wondered whether the argument happened at a time when he simply didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with another difficult situation.

I'm not saying that to dismiss his feelings. I'm trying to understand whether his withdrawal was primarily about the argument, his mental health or both.

After the emotional messages and calls, I eventually sent him a sober, carefully written apology. I acknowledged that my choice of words during our disagreement had hurt him and that I hadn't adequately considered how he might interpret what I was saying. I told him I genuinely regretted causing him pain and apologised for the hurt I'd caused.

I also explained how much he'd meant to me during a difficult period in my family life. I told him that I missed hearing his voice, hearing him laugh, telling him about my day and having him around. I expressed concern for his mental health and told him that, regardless of what happened romantically, I genuinely wanted him to be okay.

I admitted that I still have strong romantic feelings for him and wanted another chance. I made it clear that I wasn't expecting everything to return to normal immediately. I wanted the opportunity for us to understand each other better and see whether we could rebuild our connection.

I acknowledged that he'd asked to be left alone and said I didn't want to pressure him.

He saw the message approximately two weeks ago but didn't respond. I haven't received a response to that apology, and I've decided not to keep sending him more messages.

It's now been over three months since he blocked me, and I'm still struggling emotionally. I've cried almost every day, and there are times when I feel overwhelmed by grief and regret.

I miss him as a person. I miss our conversations, his humour, the friendship and the happiness I felt when we were talking.

I also keep replaying the disagreement and wondering whether I should simply have ignored the accounts he followed. Part of me regrets ever raising the subject because I feel that if I'd stayed quiet, we might still be talking. At the same time, I recognise that I had genuine concerns and wanted to understand his beliefs.

Another thing I've been struggling with is the difference between how I handled his repeated disappearances and how our first major disagreement ended. I forgave him several times for leaving me without communication, even when it hurt me.

I understand that my forgiveness doesn't obligate him to forgive me. However, it still hurts that I was willing to work through something that repeatedly upset me, whereas our first major disagreement resulted in him ending contact.

I'm also aware that our age difference may be relevant. I'm 19, and he's 27. I know I can sometimes be impulsive or emotionally reactive, and I'm trying to become better at handling difficult conversations. 

There's also something I still don't understand about his feelings for me. Fisher claimed that he liked me and felt a genuine connection with me. He said that I made him happy and gave him something to look forward to when he was stationed in Japan, far away from his home in Las Vegas.

I want to believe him, but I struggle to reconcile those words with his behaviour. How can you say you like someone while actively ignoring them for weeks? How can you have feelings for someone but never initiate conversations unless they contact you first? And how can you go more than three months without speaking to someone you said made you happy?

I understand that people can have feelings for someone and still struggle with communication, particularly when they're dealing with serious personal difficulties. However, I can't help questioning whether his feelings were ever as strong as he claimed.

Before all of this happened, Fisher told me that when he truly wants someone out of his life, he can block them everywhere and remove every possible means of contact. He blocked me on Snapchat, but he hasn't blocked me on Instagram.

I don't know whether that means anything. He might simply not feel the need to block me there. Part of me wonders whether he hasn't completely ruled out speaking to me again, but I recognise that his decision not to block me on Instagram isn't an invitation to keep contacting him.

I've gradually accepted that we probably won't communicate again this year. He has serious personal circumstances to work through, and I also need time to work on my own emotional wellbeing, become less impulsive and learn how to communicate more thoughtfully.

However, I don't want to move on from him right now. I don't want to pursue someone else. I want Fisher.

I genuinely miss our friendship and everything that came with it. I don't want to abandon the possibility of rebuilding that connection simply because things ended badly after our first major disagreement.

I've considered reaching out sometime next year, perhaps during the summer, but I haven't made a final decision because I don't want to disregard his boundaries.

If we ever reconnect, I wouldn't expect us to immediately resume anything romantic. I'd prefer to rebuild our friendship slowly, eventually have an honest conversation about what happened and explore whether a romantic relationship might still be possible if we both wanted one.

I also want to understand why he felt so deeply hurt by our disagreement. I wouldn't want us to pretend nothing happened simply because several months had passed.

I understand that I cannot force someone to forgive me, communicate with me or pursue a relationship with me. I also understand that he might meet someone else, decide he doesn't want to reconnect or simply never respond.

But I genuinely want to know whether there's anything I can do to give our connection another chance.

Would reaching out once after several months of no contact be reasonable, or would that still be disrespectful towards someone who explicitly asked to be left alone? If he were eventually willing to reconnect, how could we rebuild trust and address both the original disagreement and his previous habit of disappearing for weeks?

I'm not looking for people to attack Fisher or tell me that everything he did was wrong. I genuinely care about him and recognise that he's dealing with serious difficulties. I'm also not looking for reassurance that he'll definitely come back.

I want an outside perspective on whether there's a realistic possibility of reconciliation, whether there's anything I can do to repair our connection and how to respect his boundaries while still having feelings for him.

Is there anything I can do to give this relationship another chance, or am I holding on to something that has already ended?

I can also share screenshots of our actual disagreement if that would help people understand both sides of the conversation, although I'd remove identifying information and anything private before doing so.