How do I maneuver?

Last week, the person (36F) I’ve been dating for almost a year and I seemingly had a tense moment.

About a month ago, they found out that their parent was still sick, they were under the impression that they were in remission. I witnessed this journey being extremely challenging for them to navigate, and I wanted to be there to support them. During this time there would be comments made about uncertainty about if and how they wanted me to support them. Before the news we weren’t in the greatest place, but not the worst. There were also revelations from this person that they loved me and they wanted to work on the relationship.

They were traveling back and forth to visit their declining parent. From the information that was shared with me, things started to decline quickly. Fast-forward to last week, they came back for a quick second to handle things at home. I was invited to join them to get a tattoo of their parents' name. I wasn’t feeling the greatest as I had just come from the ER the past Friday, but I wanted to be there to support them. After, I was invited back to their place, I still wasn’t feeling the best, but I was doing my best to give what I had, operating like I normally do when we’re together. At some point she was on FaceTime with her sister discussing family matters, I quietly said to her I’m going to head out soon. I never had any intention to stay, and to be honest, I just wanted to lie down. About a few minutes later, she told her sister that she was gonna call her back. When she got off the phone, she mentioned not wanting to be a bad host, and of course I looked at her like You don’t have to worry about that, especially at this time. There was a moment where she got vulnerable in regard to her parent, how she was feeling about how she received the information, and just her emotions in general. I was sitting there listening, empathizing, and almost about to cry. At one point I asked if I could hug her, she said “As long as you’re giving me a hug because you want to and not because I’m crying”. She doesn’t like people to console her. So as I’m about to leave, we give each other a long hug, I step back to kiss her, and she immediately declines, she says something like “No, I’m not gonna kiss you, you’re leaving me when I just had a vulnerable moment with you”. I’m looking like a deer in headlights because I don’t understand what just happened, I say I can’t read your mind, I wanna be here, and I’ve been asking how I can support you? And she says I don’t feel like telling you everything. I decide to stay even though I feel the energy shift, like this disdain for my presence.

At this point, I’m trying to lighten the mood and provide assistance with some things that she needs help with. She tends to keep it cold in her apartment, so I asked for a sweater that I always borrow, and I guess that set her off and allowed her to let me know that she did not want to do this with me, looking confused I say Do what? Grieve? And she says, " Yeah, " looking at me with that sarcastic sure look. Disappointed, I leave. When I got home I sent a message to try to smooth things out, but received no response. I knew that she was leaving to go back to her hometown the next day, so I reached out later that day to check in, and she said “Thanks for checking in, I’m driving”, short and cold.

Her parent ended up dying an hour after she got there, that’s what she texted when I checked to see if she made it. The news threw me off as I was not expecting them to pass so rapidly. Of course, I gave heartfelt condolences, and she simply said “thank you”. I reached out again with a voice note the next day, saying how truly truly sorry I was for her loss, offering any support I could give, and an address to send Flowers. After three days there was no response. I saw that she posted on social media and it looked like she was back home, which triggered me, so I texted her to let her know that I wanted to check in to see how she was holding up, and the response was just a simple “thank you for checking in”.

I’m trying to figure out how to maneuver this situation while having compassion for her great loss but also keeping my self-respect intact. There’s not a lot of room for me to hold her accountable because of what she’s going through, but my hurt is still valid. You don’t go from talking to somebody every day all day for a year to completely giving them the cold shoulder, and then expect me to just sit here in the gray.

**TL;DR;** : The person I've been dating for a year has stopped talking to me during a time her parent was dying