Defeated

I (44M) and my wife (42F) have been trying for seven years, about 5 of which involve IVF, and I'm just feeling so defeated. We're dealing with DOR, so if we can retrieve 4 eggs that lead to 1 blast it's a successful round. We've gone through 4 clinics, just under twenty retrievals, a number of transfers, 4 miscarriages (2 natural, 2 via IVF) and 0 success.

I'm staying in this for her. I'd love a second child but if she decided enough was enough I would support her. She's obsessed with different tweaks, changes, and protocols to try but we're still here. We have two untested day 6 blasts that are frozen and we're trying to determine whether we go for another round of stims to try to get one more or just start transferring again.

I don't feel like I'm doing enough but I don't know what more I can do. So much of the focus is on her history, things that she knows about her body, what changes she wants to try based on her research. She has copious notes and data that she obsesses over. I don't know how I can meaningfully contribute to the aspect of planning when she has such specific things she wants to focus on.

I had been managing insurance issues in the past but she's on her own insurance now and it's going relatively smoothly, I'm scouring facebook for stim medication since we're self pay, I handle mixing and medicine draws (she prefers to inject herself), I do the majority of driving and errands for anything that's not related to her appointments, if she needs space I'm the one volunteering to take our son out to play. She's putting in a ton of effort into aspects of this that I have limited ability to participate in because most of the communications with her doctor are directly via text. She shares what's being discussed but it's all her doing it and she gets mad with me because she's doing all the work.

And my job is incredibly stressful, so I'm not always completely present. Sleep is an issue. I could be a better husband and father. I could be a better listener. I want to make this easier for her but I'm low on ideas on how to directly support.

I'm tired.