Well I regret it if I don’t view her body?

I’m 19. My mom was 41. She’s being cremated per her wishes but her mom and my brother and some others want to see her one last time. It’s gonna be taking place on Thursday (it’s Monday as i’m writing this)I don’t think I can do it. I don’t know how I’d survive seeing her gone. My body’s still in shock and I kind of don’t believe it. This was so unexpected but I knew this day would come eventually. I love my mom so much and we always had a hard relationship. Never could get along but we knew we loved one another. Will I regret not seeing her one last time? The last day I saw her was a week ago when I took her home from a detox. (she died of cardiac arrest caused by an artery blockage) She was an addict my whole life but I full heartedly believe she was ready to be clean this time. And she had been clean longer than ever. It’s not fair that she went when she was finally trying to pull her life together. She went through so much pain in suffering. She deserved so much more in life. The last time I saw her she was sad but thankful. I wish I would’ve hugged her just a little tighter.