I want help.

I don't self harm as much to not ruin a day of people who could or would struggle more, which does not stop small urges but is why I have a big streak.

I want to ask, if I am a bad person. Should I try not to SH or kill me? If so how do I try to not do that when I don't want to be a bad person. Ideally I'm not a bad person but I worry I'm shy to talk to people when I want to be there sometimes.

It's not heinous I'll never do anything heinous. I don't want to be a bad person but idk what if I ever would make the world worse plagues my mind.

I just want to ask do I still not SH, why does SH make it worse. One thing I can think is it makes people feel guilty which I don't want to do.