Feeling Lost after getting “Most Improved”

I started derby a few years ago, last time I was on skates prior was in my elementary school years many years ago. I enjoy learning it, and trying to get better.

This season I was selected for “most improved”. On one hand yay, progress. On another I can’t help but feel I sucked so badly that getting better was that noticeable.

As preseason kicked in, I find myself attending sessions where I’m the sole newbie, and I feel like a burden. I’m trying. I go to 75% of the weekly sessions. I try to workout at home. Yet I can’t help feeling like I’m not good enough, not wanted, or that people don’t want me there cause they need to shift down or can’t go further. In some cases some people are surprised I’m at the stage where I can tryout for a team, or act like I should not be trying.

Was I that horrible?

Does not help in the only newbie from my class left who is not already on a team and I’m out of the loop for being part of the league in terms of connections. It gets lonely.

IDK. Being a middle age trans gal when the world is on fire… I enjoy the exercise, but I hate feeling like I don’t belong at times.

Had to get this off my chest.