I am very happy.

my country (not divulging to avoid accidentally encouraging other people) has strict laws regarding gun ownership and I am not even old enough to buy a gun yet. also, they are prohibitevely expensive for my hunger wages, and I'd probably have to go into debt to buy one.

however, i have just found out that, for whatever reason, these restrictions do not apply to shooting ranges. i can just go there and rent a gun and a stand and start shooting, none of the process required for owning a gun needed, not even the age restriction is in place.

I feel liberated, easy, happy even. a shot to the head is the only way I want to go. no chance of survival, no chance of feeling pain. I will only feel bad for my mother. As for my father, he is waiting for me on the other side already.