I need advice

Throwaway bc I’m a coward ig.

I (19M) had my first experience with a dom these last few weeks through the form of my friend (19M). He was using it as a way to help me stop vaping, which I agreed to. He’s got experience with this stuff and has researched the hell out of it. The dom stuff started as a joke, until I actually got attached to his approval and praise. Then, after a couple weeks of flirting and joking, I wanted more. I wanted to have the dom stuff outside of the damn vape. Hell I’m more addicted to his praise than I am the nicotine atp. I have a history of SA, and didn’t want to objectify him so I’ve been feeling guilty for a couple weeks now. Well today it got to be too much, and I told him. I dumped it all out and he gently told me he would back off with the domming and still help me with the vape.

I’m not mad at him at all, in fact I knew this would happen, but I didn’t know I’d feel heartbroken about it stopping. I only just found out I like to be a sub, that I identify with the puppy label, but now I feel like a bad dog left for dead because I did smth wrong. My friend told me I did nothing wrong and that I was good, but I feel like I was bad and I hate it. Idk how to cope with this. I’ve never done this before and idk what’s happening to me.

I really need help but I have only him as a friend and my family can’t know and I hate this. I’m in my head, just feeling like I was a bad dog instead of a person and idk what to do. I just want to be his good boy again, but I never really was, and I’m confused and scared.