Giving up on diagnosis and therapy before i’ve even fully done it

I am 22 . I have for a while suspected I’ve had some adhd or bpd . maybe autism but i dont see it very strongly . I had a therapist a while ago during college briefly (3 sessions) but it wasn’t in network like i thought . so i dropped her . i’ve started looking for therapists again and while im not necessarily going to just drop a therapist for saying ‘well you don’t have adhd and it may be this instead’ . I had a consultation and honestly it’s made me feel worse . basically got told it’s simply anxiety or depression because I wasn’t caught when I was a child or I didn’t have any concerns from parents or teachers growing up when realistically I was constantly considered disruptive and my parents just labeled me as everything you’d assume. not only this but I’ve had plenty of suicidal ideation throughout my life and in my more recent years i’ve come very close and genuinely considered taking my life and this has honestly made it worse because now i just feel as if help is only available to certain people that have parents that give a fuck enough to get them the proper help they need . There’s just no point . if i don’t struggle with social cues there’s just no way or if im not outwardly ruining all my relationships there’s no way . I just don’t think there’s any point and it’s so demeaning to just have someone boil so much i’ve experienced into just depression or anxiety when I’ve struggled and sobbed over my inattentiveness for ages or to tell someone i’ve considered harming myself and feeling like ‘well i never got put in a hospital’ so it’s just useless . It’s just all pointless I don’t even know why I bother . I let her know I wouldn’t continue with an intake session and I’ll just be rawdogging life as it is .