Stuck and unsure if un/happy?

I've been the strong ox for what feels like forever. We've been together for 14 years, married 9. I think I've been an enabler, my wife/partner has been depressed for years since college since they got burnt out. I've been pretty supportive of the LGBTQIA rainbow for years, we're something of a poly relationship, well established, just not fulfilled. I plan the meals, purchase ingredients 90% of the time, always cook because they are incapable or do not desire to learn (and I've got an extensive food and bev background), and I clean. We both do our own laundry, no big deal, I don't mess up their clothes, they don't have to worry about mine. I mow, they.... Won't. I manage both vehicles for our household, pay for repairs, and preventative maintenance. Cars have been paid off for two years for both, but I paid for both of them over time, and got some supplements from the partner at one point or another.

Financially, we have separate accounts, probably for the wrong reasons, but my checks pay all of the bills and mortgage, medical bills, gas/eating out, groceries, and the extremely infrequent fun thing to do. Essentially it's their money for their things, my money pays for everything else, but I also make at least double what they do at any given time (33$/hr me, 15-18$/hr them). The agreement between the two of us is that they have to be employed, minimum 30 hrs a week, doing what, I don't care, but the bills need paid, and I'm not interested in them being unemployed ever again. I've had multiple jobs in the past, one very recently to keep us afloat and for fun money, but I'm back to counting nickels and dimes again to ensure we're back on the up and up. We definitely lifestyle creep with wage increases, but I'm pushing to get back into aggressively investing for 401k, HSA, etc.

Emotionally, I'm a burnt out unavailable man from work and the number of hours I put in (minimum 45, up to 60/week.). We have a therapist we see, paid for by work so we use the sessions to discuss things. Emotionally, they are a bundle of problems, working through grief of a relative, and our dog of 14 years that passed in May. No one is actively looking to hurt the either, a trip to the funny farm has been had, but it's still not exactly my ideal spot for either of us. I feel more time touching grass, open windows for natural light and less sleeping in on their days off would be highly beneficial for them, but they're not interested.

Sexually, more often than not I have to initiate, and it's pretty straightforward requests gauging a yes or no interest, but I want to feel wanted. One of my previous poly relations was fabulous, I split time between the two, and then things got sketchy, partner felt neglected after having multiple days with them, and maybe one or two with the other, so that fell apart. That relationship was probably more realistically mono with a roommate at home? We enjoyed each other and it truly fulfilled a lot of what I wanted. Kinda the things my wife and I did early on, but don't anymore since the partner has gradually shifted to asexual, non-binary, and had a double mastectomy for full removal.

I WANT my partner/SO to want to engage in the things I enjoy, go to the gym with me, play video games together, COOK, PLAN, CLEAN together. I want someone better financially oriented that wants to work their way up to better positions, enabling travel, retirement, and other opportunities.

I get that all of this is up to MY decision, but I'm looking for questionably unbiased opinions from the internet, consider this your penny for your thoughts. I don't want to assume I'm overthinking it, but at same time, I'm clearly not making any decisions or rash motions.