Bpd, yumeshipping + 4B (vent?)

Im (23F) completely and utterly in love with Eren from Attack on Titan. I just relate to him so much, I love his personality, the way he looks, his voice (English dub the goat Bryce papenbrook) and everything about him.
Mild spoiler>!: I find his story and ending so tragic to the point I’ve self inserted myself as a character in the universe to interact with the characters and change the ending,!< and created my own story around my character. I guess you could call it yumeshipping (I’m NOT non sharing, I like seeing other eren yumes and fangirls :3)
Obviously I’m aware he’s not real, but I find so much comfort in writing my own story with him and daydreaming about him.
I’ve always loved drawing and art but loving Eren has given me more motivation to get better so I can draw us together, and bring my fantasies to life. Even when I touch myself, I fantasise about him.
I unfortunately have bpd and I’ve found the relationships I’ve been in extremely disappointing and hurtful, so now I’ve decided to go 4B (no sex, dating, marriage, kids with men)
I’m not unattractive, in fact I like how I look and think I look pretty when I do my makeup and put on cute outfits, but I just feel like no man is enough for me like eren is. People say it’s lonely, some even say a woman’s life can’t be fulfilled without kids and marriage (yuck), but I’m happy this way, although it does kinda hurt that he’s not real. And I don’t wanna get hurt by a man, ever again. At least with Eren being fictional he can’t hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, etc.
I hope I’m not alone in this and I’d love to hear if any other girly feels like this!
Xoxo