Life of an exhausted two-face

I(26f) feel so hypocritical and torn. Depending on the day my beliefs change. I feel bad at making decisions and suffer from analysis paralysis. I toe the line between disbelief and belief in Islam. I sin and I feel so shit sometimes. I sin other times then think sins don’t even exist. Obviously my upbringing has much to do with it but I’m also to blame. I’ve tried therapy and I’ve tried meds. I get told the same thing it’s my life and I hold all the cards. You know what you want but what if I don’t? I don’t know that Allah exists and I don’t know that he doesn’t. This also trickles into my view of relationships. I sometimes wish I could go back to times where I didn’t question a single thing, where I followed the religion to a tea. But then I wouldn’t be me. My life was so much easier then. Im exhausted.