5th Time posting this bc even screaming to the void cant be fucking easy

I Feel so fucking close to giving up.

Not in music but just in life in general.

I feel like everytime I try and better myself or make it out of a hole im in, life just reverts.

Reverts to being lonely, boring, and tiring.

Ive lost almost all of my relationships in the past year. Like I just made it out of highschool and I have basically no one from the last 12 years of my life.

My bestfriends all turned into different people in there own ways and alot of them for the worse,

The girl I was in love with dipped kinda out of the blue which im over but still yk

I want actual connections. Romantic or friendly.

Meaningful ones. Deep ones. One's where I dont feel like I have to preform or be a certain way.

Idk it just makes me feel like i have no one.

The friends I do have left, I dont feel we're close enough to even confide in that type of stuff ig

I had so many plans that never got to work out with so many people it makes me feel like theres not really a point in anything anymore

Whats the point of getting friends if theyll fade away or change

Whats the point of being in a relationship if theyll leave

Whats the point of going to work if I honestly dont care about money anymore

Whats the point of even leaving the house if im tired from leaving my bed

Im glad I have my parents but ive never been good at talking to them. I honestly dont want to be.

Its not fair if they think im doing good and then I come to them just to drop the ball that their son has crippling anxiety so bad that he gets 3-4 hours of sleep on average, hes the most alone hes felt in a long time, he hates his job so much he thinks about quitting everyday, and he spends all day just trying to find people to talk to and doesnt succeed.

Why does everyone I care about end up gone

I honestly dont even know why im posting this. I know it wont be any type of solution, ig Im still just hoping it was