No longer afraid of death but

My fear has subsided, I’ve kept myself comfortable and away from stress for so long that I barely feel the fear anymore. I’ve self medicated a couple times a week with weed, and I’m not sure if I should continue this. I still haven’t gotten professional help, I’m still a coward.

But with my fear solved and all, I just don’t feel motivation to live. Sure, there’s hobbies and things to do, but what’s the point when I’m gonna be gone one day? I no longer fear it, but it’s just so depressing to think about. I’ll be leaving people behind, people I love, and I’m just so sad about the whole thing.

My productivity has gone back to normal, but now it just feels like the clock is ticking for when I die. So what if I get great news today? The future’s news is gonna be worse when I die. I feel happy for a bit, but then It goes as quickly as it comes.

Everything has hit me so hard I barely want to do anything anymore, it just feels like I’m going with the flow until I’m told to stop. Has anyone else gone through this as well?

Please be kind of course.