Manifesting, Shifting & Mental Health

TW: mental illnesses & possibly demotivating

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I hope everyone is well. I was hoping for some input on my situation please or even if someone is in the same boat, please feel free to comment. I feel really alone in my struggles. I’m considering taking a break from all of this but I feel so desperate to shift/manifest a better cr.

I have OCD, depression and anxiety. I struggle immensely with intrusive thoughts, I was able to find a lot of discussions on this subreddit regarding intrusive thoughts which were very helpful (ex. they have no power, only intention manifests, etc) and I really appreciate all the guidance that is on here. I was curious how/if anyone has trained their mind to truly drop these thoughts and how long it took? I get these terrifying thoughts, especially when attempting to shift. I feel the need to flip them, which results in headaches and anxiety. I understand it’s my assumption that these thoughts have control over me. I guess I’m confused on how to convince yourself that they don’t. I have manifested intrusive thoughts before :/ and they make me too terrified to even attempt shifting.

I also feel like I have to be perfect in order to manifest/shift and I have to persist regardless of my circumstances. Maybe I’m misunderstanding this concept. But I don’t understand how I can persist in such horrible situations without ignoring my responsibilities since I’m trying to manifest those responsibilities away. Do I pretend that I’m in my dr although my actions are the exact opposite of what I would be doing in my dr?

I’m trying to make my own rules with manifestation & shifting, but I’m so tired and am close to just quitting. I’m so doubtful too although I’ve had some success with both topics. I guess I’m too scared to even try and it not working/resulting in negative results.

I hope this all made sense, I apologize for the length and rant. I appreciate your time and any feedback I possibly receive.