Hard time taking plan B

Last night my man and I were having some us time when there was a whoopsie. It happens, and this morning I went to the pharmacy to get plan B. This was my first time needing emergency contraceptives but going to get it really was no big deal.

The thing is now I’m sitting here, and I’m having such a hard time bringing myself to take it. I know it’s not an abortion, and I know why we can’t have kids right now, but for some reason I’m just having a really hard time taking the pill. I think something about this has made me realise how badly I actually do want kids and want to be a mom. So many of my friends are having kids this year, and I think I’m just ready for it to be my turn.

Now obviously I’m going to take it. It would be so unfair to my partner to tell him I would and then not. And we both know it’s only about 85% effective so there’s a chance anything could happen. But for some reason this is really hard for me. Like I feel terrible for thinking this, but part of me almost hope it doesn’t work (again even though I’m fully aware that we cannot have a kid right now). I’m sorry if this isn’t making any sense. I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings right now, and no one to talk to.