Am I a bad person for being romantically interested in an 18 (almost 19) year old.

Okay so at 21 I just met this guy who is 18. My best friend/roommate and I went through a Wendy's drive through. And she saw me looking at him and said "that guy looks like your type you should ask him for his number" and I said no (specifically because I've been in 2 abusive relationships before and the thought of dating someone new scares me right now)

But two days after that, we went to Wendy's again and he was there. I did decide to ask him for his number. I thought he looked really cute. He looked a little young but not significantly younger than me. I kind of assumed he was around 20 or 19.

We started texting though and I really liked him because he seemed really sweet and kind, and we have the same sense of humor and interests. I eventually asked him how old he was and he told me he was 18. I told my roommate about this and asked her for advice. I told her I really like this guy but I feel weird about the fact he's 18, and asked her if I should stop talking to him. She told me that it was a little unfortunate his age, but she said "honestly I don't think its wrong, because you didn't like him for his age, it would only be weird if you were purposely going after him because of his age"

So I decided to keep talking to him because she was being supportive of it. My other two close

friends were also supportive of it and told me it wasn't wrong but to just be careful.

I eventually decided to go on a date with him and we smoked at a park. I told him I wanted to take things really slow because I made a lot of bad choices in past relationships, and he respected it and agreed.

I accidentally greened out because I smoked too much. And my roommate picked me up to give me a ride home. It was really dark outside and nobody could see so I had trouble finding her. It took about 5 minutes for me to find her because it was also a park I had never been to before, and I was extremely high.

By the time I got into the car my roommate asked me how the date went and I told her I had a good time and that I have a lot in common with him. But I was very delirious and slured my words a lot because of the green.

When my roommate noticed this she started yelling at me and was telling me that I was stupid for going on a date with an 18 year old and started saying that he laced me (which was definitely not true I just smoked way more than I should've and that was my fault) and then she told me that if I kept talking to him I would be stuck with him forever just like how she is stuck with her husband.

When we got home she asked me if I was okay and I said yes and slammed the car door and went to bed.

The next day my roommate apologized and told me she was projecting her problems onto me. I forgave her but then she snaped at me and said I should've been in the same area of the park she dropped me off at and said that was the main reason she got angry. She still seemed pissy about it but I let it go cause I just wanted to move on.

She then told me that I shouldn't date him or be in a relationship with him at all because it would be wrong, and she told me to just have sex with him and that its only ethical to have sex with an 18 year old but dating one is wrong.

I initially didn't want to have sex with him because I genuinely wanted to get to know him as a person. But since she told me that a relationship would be wrong I decided I was just going to have sex with him because I didn't want to do the wrong thing.

Then a couple weeks after that I invited the guy over. We smoked a lot and watched TV together and then he asked if he could f!n ger me. I said yes but I felt really nervous and scared and just layed there while it happened. Then he asked for a handjob and I gave him one. He then wanted to have sex but the condom broke when he tried to open it and then he asked if we could just cuddle. I felt relieved because I didn't feel comfortable having sex so I said yes and we cuddled.

He left that night (my roommate and her husband were already asleep when he left.)

But the day after that I was sitting in my room and heard my roommate talking to her husband, and they were talking about me. I heard her husband say that I was sick and disgusting because he thought the guy I brought over looked like a child (I personally don't think he looks like a child at all) and he told my roommate that I'm a predator and I molested him. My roommate told her husband that the guy is 18 and her husband just told her that he believes the guy was lying about his age and that he thinks the guy is actually 16 or 15 (which I know for a fact is not true because I've seen his ID and I don't think he looks that young)

But I heard my roommates husband ask her why she convinced me to ask the guy for his number, and she said it was because he looked older than 18. But my roommates husband just kept calling me a pedophile and when he was saying that my roommate started crying.

She never told me about this or told me how her husband feels about it and kept acting supportive. But randomly one day she sent me a tiktok that said "me trying to convince my friend the truth about her relationship cause I always know" and then she sent me a text that said "this is me with your situation because I always know" and I sent her text and said "what do you mean?" And she never responded.

She still after that, acted outwardly supportive of my relationship with him and was acting like she never sent that text.

One day me and my roommate were also hanging with a group of new people our age, and this one gay guy whose the same age as me started talking to an 18 year old that he's interested in.

He asked the group for advice and said "hey y'all I really like this guy but he is 18, am I a bad person for feeling that way" and everyone in the group told him it wasn't wrong and that it was okay, but this one girl in the group told him "its not wrong just take it very slow and definitely don't have sex yet." And everyone in the group agreed with her.

My roommate then pulled me aside and said "don't worry your situation is different", and then I asked her if she thought I was a bad person and she said "no I don't think you're a bad person I know you're not a predator and you didn't even have sex with him".

Keep in mind me and my roommate were both very drunk when this happened.

But that made me feel worse because even though I didn't have sex with him I almost did, and we still did foreplay together.

I then heard her talking to her husband again one day and she was telling her husband "I think the only reason why she's attracted to him is because he looks like her ex and she's mentally insane so she can't notice how young he looks" which really pissed me off because I don't think he looks anything like my shitty ex.

But there's a part of me that is very worried that I made a terrible mistake and I just turned 22 very recently so it makes the situation feel even weirder now. The guy does turn 19 in 5 months but I still don't know how to feel about all of this.

I don't know anymore how my roommate truly feels about this because she's admitted to me before that she lies to people sometimes because she's scared of making them mad by disagreeing with them.

A part of me feels like she's just as confused about the situation as I am. But also I truly don't know.

But I just feel extremely depressed and confused about the entire situation now, and I don't know what to do. Am I a bad person? And should I just stop talking to this guy? I don't want to hurt anyone in any way, shape, or form, and if me being with him is not good for him then I'll stop talking to him. I just feel confused because I don't know what the right thing to do anymore is. All I know is I want to do the right thing. But I just feel so much confusion and guilt right now.