Short story i wrote about some girl falling in love with her FWB

Don't say “I love you”

Never thought I'd have to be telling myself that, especially not while having sex. 
Life's weird; one minute you think you can just pretend you don't really care about someone, but in all reality they mean more to you than you dare to admit. 
I honestly never thought I'd fall in love with someone this easily, let alone someone such as him. I feel like it's because he's the first person to listen, and I mean really listen. The first to want to understand, the first to have the desire to make me feel safe or cared about. He's the first person to want to know what makes me smile and what makes me relax. But at the same time, he's the first to share with me, to tell me things he says he hasn't shared with anyone. Ive never had anyone be this comfortable with me. 
So what does it mean when I don't hear from him for days? Am I wrong for doubting it was just a fuck? Those things he told me, the soft touches on my skin, the constant reassurances and desire to know I'm ok. The moments we share, just being in each other's embrace. They must mean something, surely; there's no possible way it was all for nothing. I don't believe it was all for nothing. 
I'm stuck; when I'm with him it's such a blast, ive never felt more alive. But I still have to remind myself, will myself not to say those words. Cause what would happen? Who could expect anyone to say that, point blank, while you're making love to each other? But is it even making love if the love isn't there? But it is there, but I don't know if it's in him, or purely just in me. 

My mother tells me he doesn't care, that the things he does show he's only in it for the sex, but she's my mother, so she's blinded by her bias of wanting to protect me.

My therapist tells me that as long as I feel our “relationship” brings me joy, then there's no reason to say it needs to end. But she doesn't share the same feelings that I do that continue to grow. 

My best friend says that I'm wasting my time and energy by waiting for him and that I deserve someone who will put me first and just commit to a relationship with me. But she's young; she doesn't understand the life of an adult yet; I have other responsibilities in life, and so does he. 
In my opinion, I don't want to be first; you have your own life, I get it. I don't want to be the only thing you think about. Like Beth Dutton said: “If I want blind admiration, I'll get me a dog”. And I don't even feel I'm wasting my time; we're young, and we're both figuring out what we want. We both are nervous about the idea of commitment, the time and effort it takes to be somewhat responsible for each other, and we both share the same pleasures of knowing there are no strings tied here; I can just do whatever. 

And on top of that, decisions are especially hard to make when you're blinded by pure attraction. Desire is one thing that's hard to ignore. You find yourself trying to rationalize it, or the level of it. And when someone matches it, when they fuel it, there's almost no room for responsible decisions. Instead, it's filled up with the complete and utter obsession you have for that person. You become consumed by the pleasure, the high, and you remind yourself over and over in your head. “DON'T SAY I LOVE YOU”. 

Posting anonymously