r/LongDistance•
Xenymus

She (22F) ask me (28M) for "space" to deal with problems by herself. How to handle this?

Question

Hi there, this post is just a question that I would need your help with.

So I was talking with a Bumble match for a few weeks who lives in a nearby country. We used to talk about regular things, a bit funny, a bit flirty. I then decided to move to her country to meet her, spend some decent time with her in person, and see where we could go from there. Until then, I was already a bit interested in her, and she also seemed interested in meeting me.

When I reached her city, we spent a few date nights with each other at my apartment. I used to enjoy it, even though I don't speak a lot and am a bit introverted, but I still managed to make it light and enjoyable for both of us.

  1. First Night: We talked about each other, had dinner and drinks, watched some movies, and just relaxed sitting closer to each other.

  2. Next Few Nights: We played some games, yapped about things, cuddled each other, got intimate, and just had decent fun.

I used to ask if she'd like to meet me each day. During the day, she had to go to work and stay at her place. At night, she used to stay with me. We used to text as well, and she used to bring something to eat for me. I was developing more feelings for her. From her side, I could guess that she was at least interested in me. I used to suggest other places, like a cafe or walking in the park, or maybe some of her favorite places around, but she most of the time wanted to meet me in my apartment only. She clarified that she is a bit indecisive and gets confused about where to go.

On the day I was coming back to my city, I looked at her and asked her if she liked me, which she said yes. But then, when I expressed my interest in coming back for her (the distance between our countries is not that large-3 hours of flight, $120-and I'm there), she thought and told me to come ONLY if I would like to visit the city.

She once said maybe I was rushing things and asked me to calm down. My checkout from the apartment was at 12 PM, and my return flight was scheduled for departure at 7 PM, and I had no idea where to spend the next few hours. So I asked her if I could stay at her place for a few hours, and then I would leave. For which she felt like maybe I was trying to do everything with her before I left. So she lied that her aunt wouldn't allow it (she later clarified this over text). I am a bit clingy, maybe that's why. I don't know, but on texts, she used to reply within minutes, or a few hours if she was busy, or at least used to tell me where she would be and say that she would text later. She has trust issues, so she is trying to trust me but hasn't developed complete trust in me.

By the time I was going to come back, I felt like she could be the one I would like to be in a relationship with. During our Bumble match's initial days, I had clarified to her that I am looking for a long-term relationship. She said she would like to become friends first and see if she can go forward with that person. Now, I do like her. But I have come back to my city now. It's been like 4 days since then, and her frequency of texts is now at an absolute minimum. I last messaged her 2 days ago. She hasn't even come online to read it. It's still unseen. And I'm checking every few hours. The quality of text is a bit engaging, like previously, but the frequency is just destroyed. Now, I don't know where she is, what she is doing, or if she's genuinely busy.

Today, I just messaged her, wondering if everything is ok, and she said, no it's not, she needs space to deal with problems by herself.

Do you think it's over? What does she exactly mean by asking for some space? How can I handle this situation?

Posted Sep 30, 2026, 3:33 AM UTC

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