yearning sooo hard tonight

hey y'all

tonight my chest is so heavy with thoughts of her. for context, we ended things almost 2 months ago, but the memory of her is still so painful even if we were only a summer travel romance.

what ive been doing different this time around from past break-ups is FULLY playing into it, listening to songs that remind me of her and looking at old messages we've shared. it's actually been really helpful and a good way to process things compared to pretending im not feeling sad.

however, these are still such difficult emotions to process. there's a chance i may return to her country next year for a teaching assistantship project, but until then very unsure if ill ever see her again. and even if i do return, there's a big and realistic chance she would not want to start a real relationship with me for many many reasons, so im trying not to count on that.

we are also no contact which helps a lot but is hard because i wanna break it and just know how she is and what's shes doing and if she is still looking so so pretty and if she thinks about me everyday like i do with her. if she talks about me to friends like how i do, if she does at all. its a disease. freeeee me.

it's crazy because we weren't together long enough for me to fall in love, but im missing her like i did.

desperatelyyyyyy yearning tonight HOLY MOLY!!!!!!