should i post again?

i’ve been thinking of reaching out ever since i started going into my psychosis. everything in me was telling me that no one could understand the things i was seeing, the voices and other sounds i was hearing. i didn’t know i was going through something psychotic. i thought i was finally able to understand the world and beyond the way it was meant to be perceived by us all. i felt chosen, finally, as if i made the right choices and decisions to finally understand the world for what it was. and i actually started to believe in god for a moment, but this wasn’t until after it was too late.
i have yet to find a community or anyone to talk to about what happened between me and my head, everytime i say “wanna know something from my crazy adventure”? i explain and people respond “wow that’s crazy” or sometimes i get the “that sounds scary, im sorry you went through that, im glad you’re doing better now” but no one ever asks or seems to leave room for an actual conversation.
i broke up with my girlfriend a few days after my best friend took his own life, i started drinking and smoking a lot. after realizing the bad path i was going down, i controlled myself. i told my mom with as much strength as i had “i feel terrible, i don’t know what’s happening to me, but im stressed out and it’s causing me to lose focus. i stopped smoking and drinking and im only getting more disoriented. i think i want to go back to treatment”
i 22 male was in treatment from age 18-19 for alcohol and weed abuse and various other things, i was a pretty bad kid and got into a lot of trouble and also spent a few months in juvenile detention. as much as those were very hard times, i also have a very strong and healthy relationship with the advancements in my overall self worth. they also took care of me and helped me become who i am today and i can only be grateful. the fact that i wanted to go back should be a sign of something going on, but to me, it only made sense. i missed people asking me how im doing everyday, and only wanting the best for me. people who actually cared and knew a thing or two about me, the unfiltered me. on top of that, i desperately needed support that i just couldn’t find.
i want to talk about my story, what i saw, what i felt, what i heard, and most importantly, where im at now. i just don’t know what to expect. i can remember almost everything over a 2 week span of going a lil crazy. the hardest part that no one seems to understand. everything felt real to me, and these feelings still exist. i’ve had to detach myself from the version of me that lost his mind. it’s very, very sad, sometimes i miss him.
i was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder at 18, i was homeschooled my entire life, and after getting out of treatment, the only sense of direction i had was, stay out of trouble, don’t get aggravated by my parents, and get a job. now, 22 diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type 1, and religious trauma, i’m at a loss for what to do next. everyday i think about what was, and what now is. some days i wish i was back in my little dreamland as hellish as it was.
before i write my story of all the things i remember, i wanted to post this, i guess i could use a little insight from your guys professional or personal experiences. i really want to find better ways to get through my day. stress is my trigger, overwhelm is worse. and the first leads to the second. meditation isn’t working the way it once did.