We moved across the continent to get away from my mother, now that she has visited she wants to live here permanently. What do I do?

I just gotta get this off my chest and see how other people react to the situation.

Me (34F) and my husband of 12 years (35M) moved with our children (11M & 7F) to our dream town six months ago. We moved to semi-remote Alaska and have been thriving here. We love it. Our children are both disabled but do not require heavy medical intervention to thrive. No more than any other healthy kid, anyway. We are all neurodivergent, proven by genetic testing we had to have done for our youngest. My mother refuses to acknowledge or even allow me to discuss my own autism, even in jest. It makes her look like a shit parent so why would she?

We genuinely just want to be left alone and keep our kids safe and independent. We all do better on a strict routine and predictable environments with fewer people. We do better in the country where there isnt a lot of people and traffic. Alaska is where we have always wanted to be and when we had the chance to do it, we jumped. We are not alone up here, most of my husbands siblings and parents are here. We keep to ourselves for the most part, but they are around if an emergency happens and we need help. Its can be a complicated way to live, logistically, at times. However, its very rewarding and we intend to stay here permanently. The mountains are beautiful and the air is fresh. Living in nature has helped my children chill out considerably. We work hard to be here and we take joy in it. "Cottagecore" life isnt always roses and fresh baked bread.

When we told my mother (60F) around christmas time last year, she did not react well. I had put off telling her until we put our house for sale because i knew she would try to talk us out of it. I wanted it so bad, but I knew it would upset her so I kept putting it off. I was sick with the anxiety of upsetting her; the anxiety alone was taking over my personal and professional life. I was in the ER getting fluids to manage my POTS almost every weekend from the stress of my job as a first year teacher (middle school behavioral at an alternative school) and the stress of knowing i had to tell her eventually. It was tearing me apart. It was tearing my marriage apart. I was a mess. I had to quit my job early because of my POTS being unmanageable from the chronic stress.

She literally ran away from home like a teenager and was missing for a day or so after we told her. Then she showed up to our house unannounced and barged her way in when I answered the door. My husband heard me crying downstairs and quickly told her to leave and dont talk to his wife that way. She was yelling about how I was "taking away her best friend" (our daughter). She refused to leave and he ended up forcefully pushing her out of our house. She called the police and they ended up telling her to leave because its not her house and shes trespassing on a veteran's property that owns many guns in a stand your ground state. That we could have her arrested if she didnt fuck off. (Thank GOD i knew the cop, he was our SRO at the alternative school). ​That caused a major schism, obviously. We were able to make amends enough to allow the kids to say goodbye and get a small amount of time in before we left for good the following spring.

We had never gotten along, but the last few years has gotten really bad between us. My mother is known for suicide attempts, aggressive and outlandish behavior, mental illness, and not being able to be told no. Everything is always about her. Things happen TO her, not because of her own stupid or careless decisions. I remember she berated me for not putting up the tree a few days into December, that I was neglecting the kids for not getting up and putting the decorations up immediately in MY house. Classic Mom. Drop the kids off from visiting at her house and saying something shitty to you real quick to make you feel awful. That was the moment i stopped feeling bad about what I had to tell her.

My younger brother died very young at 18 from a drug overdose. She has become more desperate and nuts after that, understandably I suppose. However, when he was alive, she enabled him constantly and focused on him completely when we were kids. I was always a disappointment to her, even though she described me as an "easy" kid to raise. When my brother was 12 it came out he was addicted to cocaine and was sent away to live with relatives. I ran away from home to get away from her at 16 when that happened. I didnt want to be the focus of her ire. I had a panic attack and just started walking. I never went back. I couch surfed for a while until I found a partner to move in with. It was a hard time in my life.

Back to the story,
I didnt realize how badly behaved my children were until they were around other people last year. I didnt know what my parents' influence was doing to them. Once I noticed, we never let my mom and grandma have alone time with them again. Even now on this visit, she has had very restricted, monitored access to the kids. Which she is not used to and has pitched many fits over privately.

She and my grandma waited on them hand and foot while they would be at their house on weekends. It was excessive. I had no idea HOW excessive. They treat them like babies and refuse to allow them to grow and become more independent, assumedly because of their disabilities. Its no wonder I didnt know how to anything as an adult. They think its abusive of me to not assist feed them, not allow them unlimited screen time, not feed them sugary foods constantly and on demand. They can use utensils to feed themselves. They dont need to watch YouTube constantly and have unfettered access to a cell phone. They will eat until they vomit in some cases. They would come home from their house and fall apart, meltdown city. My mother is an enabler. Plain and simple. Will not listen to me or respect that i am their mother, not her. She wanted to have a say in every decision possible when it came to the kids. I hated it. I had no idea how much anxiety and depression in my life were due to constant stress and being second guessed until it all stopped.

She is codependent with my daughter and I did not realize how serious it was until we said we were moving. She is obsessed with her to the point its creepy. She does not have the same relationship with my son, only our daughter. A week before she came, she was on facetime with her and said "someday we will live right next door to each other and I will come over and we can just go in your room and shut the door to be alone." It creeped me out. She has also been telling my son he would "fly home to see her next summer." Which is absolutely not happening. Neither of them are getting on a plane without me and I am not going back any time soon.

Back then, It was like having a backseat in my own life. My extended family enables her as well. They are like her flying monkeys that always say "shes going through a lot..." but its been 20 years they've been saying that. Probably longer and I just didnt know. It feels like I left a cult led by my mother and they are all still in it 100% and think Im callous for casting her out of our lives as much as we have. Everyone dances around her constantly to make her less pissed. Not even happy. Just neutral. They even discussed having me forcibly committed when I told the extended family of our plans because I was obviosuly having "a psychotic break." I dont talk to them anymore.

Now that she has come to visit us in the wild blue north with my grandma (her mom she lives with, 80F) and she thinks she will just live in the extended stay down the road from our home. The idea makes me want to puke from anxiety. My nervous system is shot just from the last 6 days of visiting and being in our home. I cant take her every day, even every week. Once a month is even too much. I dont want to see her again until her next, very short visit after winter. I feel sick when we even call her to facetime once a week. It took time to get her to accept a weekly call, instead of daily.

I dont want her here messing up any kind of actual peaceful parenting and routines we are doing for the kids. She is chaos. I cant stand her. One week in her presence has undone months of work with our children in getting them to eat more foods, behaviorally, sleeping, and potty training. They have regressed. Her influence is not welcome. She has made more work for me because of stupid mistakes she makes. I dont want her here.

What are my options? What do i do? How do you even deal with that? Any support or advice would be helpful. TIA.