have i gotten used to hurting?

Problem/Goal: dealing with the emotional pain, broken trust and feelings of self-worthlessness after discovering my partner was micro-cheating

Context: i just want to share my story. my boyfriend and i fought because i found out he was micro-cheating. the girl he was chatting with sent me their conversations after i told her i had a gut feeling it was his dummy account. she was mean to me, saying my boyfriend is not interested in me anymore and that i should give up.

i don't know what to feel anymore. i feel anger, sadness, and a deep pain in my chest. but in the end, i still forgave him and we got back together. i cried so much because the weight was too heavy. whenever i think about what they did, i can still feel the pain. maybe i'm being self-destructive.

it's not that i enjoy the pain, but i think i've just accepted that i'm always the loser in relationships. i expected this because i've never been treated right, and i got used to being treated poorly.