19 days

I've really hated being sober but I'm keeping to it because I know the alternative will only cause me to dig a deeper rock bottom. I used to drink everyday for about a year and a half. Last October I realized I had a problem and started to abstain 1-2 weeks at a time and then when I would drink since my tolerance was not what it was I suffered bigger consequences.

Black outs entered the picture and everything got worse after that. After one particular black out in August I was sexually assaulted. Everything went drastically downhill after that when it came to binge drinking. on Labor Day weekend I spent the 3 days drinking until I passed out, keeping myself in a comatose state until Tuesday when I had to report to work. I showed up incredibly hungover and barely functioning.

My employer noticed and took me for testing and gave me a ride home. I finally had the strength to admit everything I had been carrying the past few weeks since the assault. I was put on a personal medical leave and pushed to seek counseling and attend AA. It was the softest most loving way a line could've been drawn for me and for that, I am forever thankful. The issue is I am so emotionally raw right now all I've been able to do is hike for miles and miles each day and cry. I want so badly to take a vacation from me, but I know I do I will lose my job which has been so critical to my intrinsic sense of purpose.

I just need some reassurance that somehow, I am working through things and making progress because right now it all just feels like a mess and I feel worse off than before.