How do you be healthy and married lol

Advice needed please!
I don’t like the psychology behind counting days. Just gets feeling too high stakes. I am starting to struggle with moderation again. My goal is still to not have any processed junk but maybe some homemade/healthier version of something every week or two. So, has anyone achieved this and how did you do it? One problem is I really internalize my husband’s desire to be “healthy and fit” and I want to help him like he wants but when I put that pressure on myself to help him it backfires. I just hate this extra “I need to do this” totally makes me rebel. I don’t like feeling like I can’t do something cuz I’m not “allowed” to. It’s just so hard to not let his mindset affect mine. (He’s struggled with an ED in our marriage, not currently but still has disordered eating) Honestly it messed with my relationship with food, which wasn’t perfect but certainly was better before I tied it to please the person most important to me. It’s part of the reason why I cut sugar out for a while, because I was tired of feeling like I was the reason he wasn’t succeeding. Because I’d have a cookie so he’d eat way more… and I’d feel like it was my fault. But during that whole time it helped him I think minimally. I should’ve kept it going but I am addicted to sugar in all honesty. On some level. Not so bad I had detox symptoms or anything. Just had to apply some willpower. So I know I have my own issues but it makes it so much worse when I’m internalizing the guilt for his issues. When I eat sugar, even way too much honestly I just don’t have the feelings of guilt and shame he does. I just kind of move on and he spirals, which affects me and what I eat even more. The most annoying part is I want to help him so bad and I worked hard to cut out sugar but he was still bringing it in to the house. I never just go out and buy junk like he does. If I do get something I keep it from him like I’d want him to do for me. I don’t want to tell anyone in my life about this so any advice is appreciated. Thank you