My therapist keeps telling me to wait to divorce, and today I finally broke down

I’ve thought about divorce for a long time. Earlier this year, I became pretty certain that it was what I wanted, and I started seeing a therapist again specifically so I’d have someone to help me work through my thoughts and feelings.

At the time, she recommended couples counseling, but said my husband should go to individual therapy first. However, she also told me I should wait to suggest therapy because he was grieving something at the time.

So I waited.

Eventually, an opportunity came up and I suggested counseling. He wasn’t very enthusiastic about it, and I ended up doing all the work to find someone and schedule it.

In the meantime, after a lot more soul-searching (and, admittedly, a lot of Reddit research), I went from being pretty sure to being 100% certain that I want a divorce.

I told my therapist this a couple of weeks ago. She still recommended that I wait until we start couples counseling and use that setting to help tell my husband. Our first session is in two weeks.

Today I was talking to her about how to approach the divorce in couples counseling, and she told me she now thinks I should wait to initiate the divorce until we have my 6-year-old son screened for autism/ADHD and have a better handle on his behavioral issues. These issues aren’t new—they’ve been going on for 3–4 years—but she thinks dealing with his evaluation/behavioral needs and a divorce at the same time could be too much for him.

I finally broke down. It feels like there has always been a reason from her on why I should wait.

I also met with a divorce lawyer today. We talked extensively about my kids and our situation, and one she suggested we continue to live together while going through the divorce to keep things similar for our son.

Part of me understands my therapist’s reasoning. If my husband and I are extremely emotional, that will affect my son. If my husband handles the news badly and things become tense at home, obviously that could affect him too.

But another part of me wonders whether continuing to delay is actually helping anyone. I’m already emotional because I know I’m leaving but feel like I’m “faking it” in my marriage. And my husband and I are going to have to learn how to co-parent regardless. Part of me thinks it might actually make sense to start figuring out our new family dynamic while we’re also figuring out what support works best for our son, rather than waiting for some undefined point when everything with him is “stable.”

For anyone who has divorced while a child was going through behavioral, developmental, or mental health evaluations: Did you wait until things were more stable with your child? Did you move forward while both things were happening? Is there anything you wish you had done differently?
I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

TL;DR: I’m certain I want a divorce, but my 6-year-old is having ongoing behavioral issues and is going to be evaluated for autism/ADHD. My therapist thinks I should delay the divorce until we have a better handle on what’s going on with him. His issues have already been ongoing for 3–4 years, and I’m struggling with the idea of continuing to wait for the “right” time. Looking for experiences from parents who have been through something similar.