I think social media is one of the biggest ego machines we’ve ever created

While reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, where he talks about the egoic mind of human beings, it got me thinking about how social media affects our ego.

Normally, the egoic mind tries to gain happiness, satisfaction and joy from things it can make part of our made-up “self”. For example, we make our car, house, income, social circle or almost anything else part of our identity.

This already starts when we are kids, when we begin to notice that we are, let’s say, “Ben”. Sometimes you hear young kids say, “Ben is hungry.” Once they discover the words “I”, “me” and “mine”, it quickly switches to “I am hungry”. Their favorite toys, teddy bears and even their parents become part of this “I” image that starts to develop. They identify these things as part of themselves, and when a favorite toy breaks, they start crying. Not necessarily because the toy itself is broken, but because something they identified with has disappeared. A while later, they might easily switch to another toy.

We unconscious adults are not that different from kids. We get ourselves nice cars, nice clothes, try to have a good social circle, a respectable job and so on. But when our car gets into an accident and is totaled, we feel terrible because something we identified with is gone. Even if we still have more than enough money to buy a cheaper alternative car, assuming insurance would not even cover the accident. How strange is that, when you really think about it?

And now, after years of this digital revolution called social media, it has become even crazier. Before, we mostly built our identities around physical and social things: cars, clothes, jobs, houses, social circles, etc. From a materialistic and egoic standpoint, these are at least things we can physically possess or experience.

Now, we build part of our identity around perhaps one of the most immaterial and superficial things possible: a virtual number on our little digital toy. Usually an iPhone, of course. Imagine not being mainstream and using an Android… What would our ego think if someone judged us because of our phone brand?

We identify with the virtual number of followers and likes we get, and our ego constantly compares those numbers with other people, sometimes people we have never even met. And very quickly, sometimes unconsciously, we can start identifying ourselves as somehow superior because our numbers are higher than theirs. While writing this, I can hardly believe what I am writing down, haha.

Then, on top of that, we have a digital diary where we can post our perfectly planned pictures. Edited, filtered, maybe some AI thrown into them, and often as far from spontaneous as possible. Yet we present them as if they are the most spontaneous, natural and normal moments of our daily lives. We have to show the whole world how amazing our life is. It is pretty crazy when you realize how artificial this whole social media world can become.

Everyone’s ego gets constantly fed by social pressure, endless stimulation and growing numbers on social platforms. So now our already gigantic egos get even more frustrated when we see our old high school classmate drinking a nice glass of wine with all her amazing friends at a beach club in front of the best sunset we have ever seen. Meanwhile, you are sitting alone in your bedroom without makeup on. Let’s hope your ego wasn’t watching, because damn, it might make you feel like a loser after seeing that. Maybe you think you are completely unaffected by seeing these things, but perhaps even the need to tell yourself that you are unaffected is worth observing.

I am writing this to show how artificial and ego-driven parts of our current society have become. I could go on and on with examples, even outside social media, but I think this paints the picture quite clearly.

I quit social media about two or three years ago, and it was easily one of the best decisions I have made. The peace I experience without constantly having this artificial noise in my pocket is difficult to describe. I wish I could give everyone a glimpse of how peaceful life can feel without it bothering you all day.

To get back to the egoic part, I think it is important to end this post with a message, because otherwise this might be a pretty depressing and absurd post to read. So I’d rather end with something positive and hopeful that I have started to understand more and more over the last year, especially since getting deeper into mindfulness and meditation.

Yes, we all have an ego. Our minds have been conditioned since early childhood to develop an identity that helps us navigate and protect ourselves in the world. But please keep this in mind: you are not your ego.

You can spend your entire life chasing egoic desires if you want: nice cars, lots of friends, a big house, a great job, more money. Always living with the thought, “Once I get this, I will finally be happy and at peace.” But I think most of us know deep down what happens when we finally get that thing. We feel satisfied for a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then the ego jumps onto the next thing.

So how do you find peace without constantly needing the next thing? By learning to actually live in the present moment. That nice car you desperately want is not actually a problem in this moment. It is a desire you are creating in this moment for some imagined moment in the future. So for a second, let it go and experience this moment exactly as it is.

A huge amount of our suffering comes from mentally living in the past or the future instead of experiencing what is actually happening right now. And if there really is a problem in the present moment, then we can respond to it. We can take action, change the situation, accept it, or leave it when possible. Endlessly thinking about it usually does not make the present moment any better.

It is not easy to loosen the grip of the egoic mind and constant thinking, but I have personally noticed how much practice can change your relationship with it. For me, just 10 minutes of meditation and some reading every day have already changed a lot in only two months.

I would highly recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to anyone interested in this. It is only around 200 pages and a pretty quick read. Maybe it will help you look at your own mind a little differently and find some more peace in this absurd world.