10 years of no change until I checked out

All the info I put into my ex parte and idk why I genuinely hate having to click submit

Threatens to take my kids from me since I’m unhappy but says he will work out if I’m willing to stay.
Makes me feel like I am forced to love him even though I feel disconnected from him.
Threatens to call the cops on me for wanting to take a break or leave with the car to step away from an argument and tells me he only says it because he knows it will make me stay.

Some recent dates of events but not all.
June 21st: I woke up to him having sex with me after I had already communicated how I felt about this behavior.
August 1st: told me I was in no shape to care for our children. I asked him why and he said “look at you, you’re so skinny”. I have lost 15lbs since April because of the stress in my environment and I see many different professionals to help me regain that weight.
August 14th: told me he feels like I don’t love him because I don’t give him sexy time anymore even though we still have sex but it’s not everyday like he wishes it to be.
August 28th: I told him I was unhappy in an argument and he told me “I hope you find peace in yourself when you come home one day and find my brains splattered on the walls” (we don’t own a gun but it still scared me)
September 28: made me feel like I had to stay in order to prevent him from trying to lock me up because he didn’t care.

Back in July, the respondent was drinking alcohol while trying to cook dinner and had made the house all smoky because he was over cooking them and I was concerned there was going to be a fire. We got into a heated argument about it, and I got him to stop drinking after that night, but we had an incident where he did have sex with me while I was sleeping and I woke up to him doing it. I later brought it to the respondents attention that this behavior made me feel unseen, uncomfortable, and disrespected. I eventually told him that it was marital rape. Things got heated and I told him that I was unhappy with 10 years of no change and continued behaviors that I’ve asked for him to stop.
The respondent told me that if I wanted to leave then he wants me to write a note stating I give him permission to take the kids to Texas since I’m so unhappy and want to heal myself. I feel like it’s unfair to want to take the kids from me.
The respondent also always makes comments like “oh some random bitches are more important than me” when I want to take my 30 minute break with my friends. Or will ask me why I’m wearing leggings to work and that he feels like it gives people more of a reason to want to talk to me or flirt with me. I feel like he doesn’t trust me.
The respondent makes me feel like I can’t have friends because if I do then I’m wanting to spend less time with him.
Over the last week, I have been more distant with the respondent and not wanting to touch, kiss, or love on him. The respondent brought it up that he feels like I’m trying to push him away. Even though he is going to therapy and anger management, I still feel this hate against the things he’s done to me and the fact that it took me checking out of the relationship for him to finally want to change and now it feels impossible to check back in.
When I tell the respondent this, he gets upset and tells me that I’m making it hard for him to change when I won’t let him in and when we get to discussing separation, the respondent starts calling me names like a piece of shit, a waste of 10 years, that I have no common sense, or that I’m a cunt for wanting to end it.
I keep telling him that I feel a break would be best for us so I can work on why I feel so angry with him or so defensive against him all the time.
He tries to convince me that this will work when I’m scared we are just in another honeymoon phase. And when he comes to terms that I’m not happy, he wants me to give him permission to take the kids to Texas while I sort out my stuff here.
Anytime I have tried to leave with the car during an argument, he threatens to call the cops on me for “stealing” his car since it’s in his name but I make the payments because I work and he stays home with the kids.
Last night, he told me he wanted a kiss since I didn’t talk to him at work. I told him I did talk to him because I texted him throughout the day. But he was saying because I told him I might be able to call but I planned to take my break with my friend and I didn’t call him. He was also in anger management at the time of my break. That led us into a heated argument and I felt like the conversation was going in a loop so I told him that we needed a break and I was going to go to my moms for a little bit. Within that conversation he said “fine, if you’re leaving then I’m calling the hospital and telling them that you have been cutting and talking suicidal”. He really called the cops there and the ambulance checked on me. Afterwards, I went to my mom’s for a little bit.
When I came back home, he said he did it because he was concerned for my mental health but before he called the police, he told me he wanted me to write the note giving him permission to take the kids to Texas before I go to the hospital. It made me feel like he wanted me gone so by the time I got out, he would already be in Texas with them. Making it harder for me to get them back.
We had a long talk and kept going back and forth between “we can work this out, I just need you to let me be there for you” to “fine then I’ll just go to Texas and we can take a break” but when he realizes I’m serious, he gets mad and starts blaming me for being the reason we are in this situation.