The lows make me want to die

The lows get so bad that I don't reach out, even after being social all day. I suffer in silence and would rather kill myself than deal with my problems. Nothing I do matters, and I feel so lonely all the fucking time. I went to the hospital last week, and I'm still alive, unfortunately. I have to keep going and suffer. I'm seeking help, but it's not helping. I feel nothing but emptiness; nothing goes my way, and it's all my fault. I'll still be alive to continue to suffer until the pain gets bad enough or I have an intervention.