Help getting out of a downward spiral triggered by Cornell 7 case

TW: SA

I was raped in college in 2014. Anytime there is a news story involving sexual assault or violence, it tends to get under my skin. I’ve usually been able to avoid it as much as possible and get out from under it. I’ve not ever had any kind of prolonged trauma responses when encountering these. However, with the Cornell 7 rape case, I haven’t been able to do that and I feel like I’m drowning. I see my therapist Thursday.

The Cornell case is hitting me differently. It’s consuming my every waking thought. It’s the last thing I’m thinking about as I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake up. Im having distressing dreams (which I can’t quite remember due to meds but I feel it in my body when I wake up) and I’m having very distressing intrusive thoughts.

My mind cannot stop ruminating over what the victim endured, the length of time of the assault, and envisioning possible injuries she sustained. I’ve tried every distraction coping mechanism under the sun and it’s just THERE. I do EMDR on Thursday so I’m hoping that will help but I just cannot get the images out of my head. The rage, anger, disgust, sadness, and sheer grief I am experiencing is unlike any response to any news story I’ve ever had before. It’s also making me replay my own assault, something I honestly thought I’d moved on from so this is hitting like a ton of bricks. I’m just so beyond upset at the disregard for another person.

I just don’t know how to tolerate or begin to bear the thought of knowing I live on the same planet as people who have such a blatant disregard for another human life, the sheer cruelty of it has made me feel totally hopeless and helpless. I can’t reconcile knowing how many of us have experienced sexual violence and how many perpetrators are never held accountable. I just keep having dark thoughts that it’s all men and they’re all evil perpetrators, even though I know that is not a truthful or logical statement. The other issue is I’ve been bed bound due to disability and chronic pain so it’s harder to distract myself and get away from the never ending thoughts.

I’ve just spent days crying, raging, and feeling so irritable and upset. Just totally helpless and powerless. Like a deep sense of anguish and distress. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on how to escape this spiral. Any advice would be appreciated.